


In My heart I Know the Way

by orphan_account



Series: In My Heart [1]
Category: CWrpf
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, CWRPS - Freeform, J2 AU, J2 HS AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-26
Updated: 2011-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-15 02:45:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/156237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen finds a lot of things when he moves to California for his senior year of high-school, he knew he would.</p><p>Jared expects  senior year to be like every year of high-school so far: good friends, a decent life and working toward his goals.He never expected what he actually got.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In My heart I Know the Way

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> Italic texts are flashbacks
> 
> Epilogue added and updated

 

 Jared would love to be cool. All like smooth charm, and knowing the right thing to say. He's popular enough, but no one would ever accuse him of being cool.

Jared does OK in the friends department, but he's also kind of artless and loud and a bit of a geek. He loves BSG and the Discovery Channel, and reads all the time, and says pretty much what ever is on his mind. Sometimes he laughs so loud everyone within a 100 foot radius can hear him , but his laugh usually makes everyone smile so it's fine. Maybe he's a bit of a goof-ball but lot's of people seem to like him so it all evens out.

The worst thing is sometimes Jared is clumsy as all hell. Yesterday he tripped over nothing, walking down the hall . Shit like that happened to him all the time now, his legs feel like they belong on someone else's body. He knows he'll stop being clumsy when he gets used to his new height. His Mama tells him that all the time and he chooses to believe her. In the mean time he's getting really tall which is kind of awesome. The only time it really bothered him? Yesterday.

Of course he tripped over nothing and almost broke his neck crashing into the lockers. Of course when Jared fell he landed like 20 feet from the new guy, Jensen. Jensen who was also the hottest human being Jared had ever seen in real life. Jensen who was totally cool , and gorgeous with those eyes and this flawless smile, perfect clothes and a totally rocking body. Jensen had probably never tripped over nothing in his entire life. When Jared landed in a rumpled heap almost at the guys feet he kind of just wanted to disappear. Way to impress the hot new (and probably totally straight) guy.

Jared couldn't even look up when Jensen stuck his hand out to help Jared up.

"Are you OK man?" Jensen asked amusement clear in his voice.

All Jared could do was mutter " Yeah.Thanks" like a tongue-tied idiot.

By the time Jared made his escape out from under the glare of his humiliation, Chad was almost done laughing.

He wasn't done being a dick though (was he ever?)

" Come on Jared it was FUNNY! " Chad says as they walked to lunch.

"For you , maybe!" Jared bitched back.

" No shit! You falling all over yourself in front of your big gay cr - OW! Asshole! What was that for? " Chad said rubbing his arm.

" Shut Up!" Jared hissed at him. He didn't care who knew he was gay, but the rest of it? Was no on else's business.

" Oh come on ya big girl! That shit was hilarious!" Chad countered, loudly, in front of half the school, as they entered the cafeteria.

And yeah, how hard he shoved Chad may have been directly proportional to the embarrassment Jared still felt. It was a really just an awesome bonus that Chad went flying, right in front of Sophia , Chad's crush . Little fucker deserved it, laughing at a guy for growing like four inches over summer.

All in all? it evened out.

 

 

                                                                                                                 *

 

Jensen is laying on his bedroom floor surrounded by text books and notes and fucking around on his computer. It's not his ideal way to spend a Friday night. There isn't a lot he can do about it though. He's been here less than a month and the only people he really knows are his cousin Dani and his aunt, Sam. He’s pretty sure they both have plans .

He on the other hand is a shy, wide eyed loser from a small town who has no real idea what to do with himself at the best of times, never mind now, in California, for fucks sake. Three states over and a universe away from where he grew up.

Everything here is so damn different . It's better, but still...strange. He loves Texas, misses it. Misses the open places , misses the miles of land with nothing on it but back roads. Here it's all pavement and swarms of people. The high school he goes to now feels like it's ten times the size of his old one.

He really doesn't have a clue how to go about starting over here. So instead of worrying about it he screws around on the computer. He running out of things to look at when Dani blows into his room doing her best human tornado, all noise and movement.

“Hey , shy-boy, let's go! “ she says bouncing on his bed scattering stuff he had organized all over the fucking place.

“Geez Dani, watch out for my shit will ya?” he says and starts picking it up again.

“Come on Jensen stop being an anal pain in the ass and let's go!”

Jensen looks at her blankly and asks “ Were is it you think we're going?” He shoves her shoe-clad feet off his comforter, and puts the papers he picked up on his desk so she cant knock them flying again. No he's not being a fussy bitch, he just hates his shit on the floor unless he put it there.

She rolls her eyes at him and launches herself off the bed. Jensen takes an involuntary step back. He doesn't need to worry though, she's heading for his closest, not him.

“ I told you. At lunch today. Chris' party? You were obviously to busy day-dreaming about the hot guy who threw himself at you to hear a word I said” she says pulling shirts out of his closet.

“He didn't throw himself at me... he tripped” Jensen mutters as he moves toward the pile of rejected clothing Dani already has heaped on his bed.

“Never mind that crap, put this on.” she says shoving a t shirt at him he swears he's never seen before.

“I don't really feel like going to a party” Jensen says

“Tough shit. You didn't say no when I asked you at lunch and I already told everybody I was bringing you. Don't make me look like an asshole Jensen. Now put this on” she says shaking the mystery shirt in his face.

She's his favorite cousin and has been since they were 5 but Dani ?... is kind of a bossy bitch. There is no point in arguing with her though, because she loves to win and has way more stamina than he does. Plus he really kind of loves her a lot and it's clear she wants him to do this. So he pulls his his ragged old Texas Tech sweatshirt off and pulls the tee on.

It's so black it's practically a negative and about 2 sizes too small.

“I can't wear this!! You can see everything” he says a little scandalized.

“That's kind of the point.” she says rolling her eyes and holding out a pair of faded jeans. “Here put these on too”

Jensen gawps at her like she has lost her mind. The jeans in question are a year old, left behind the last time he visited , more hole than pant, and no fucking way is he leaving the house in a pair of pants that tight. No... just no.

“Oh My God, Jensen! Stop being such an uptight fucking princess and work with me hear! You. Are Gorgeous. You will look smoking fucking hot in this. Yes people will probably stare at your ass if you wear these but that's a good thing I promise. You have a really nice ass! So please stop wasting my time arguing and put these ON. “ She glares at him for a second before his shoulders slump in defeat and he takes the jeans.

He is going to look like …. he doesn't fucking know what, in front of a crowd of people he doesn't know. Girls are going to ogle him and try to talk him, and probably hit on him. He is going to be awkward and out of his element. But he's going to do it because it's Dani and she asked him to and he loves her, plus he knows she really is trying to help.

“If you're lucky the guy from the hall will be there.” she says

Jensen turns his back on her to pull on the jeans , and hide the fact that he just turned bright red. He should never have told her about the gorgeous guy who landed at his feet. She will never let it go.

Amazingly she doesn't screw with his hair much. Runs a little gel through it and declares it “Perfect” She does make him swap out his glasses for contacts though. Not even an hour later they are on there way to what can only be a disaster in Jensen's opinion.

When they park she turns to him and says “ If you really hate this idea we can turn around . But when you first came here.... you said you wanted things to be different. That you didn't want to hide any more. This is as good a way to make that happen as any. I'll stick with you. We'll tell a few girls they barking up the wrong tree, and you can show me this guy you were so starry-eyed over at lunch.” She waits for him to answer. And really what can he say but “OK let's go” He is really tired of hiding who he is.

“Are you totally sure me being gay isn't going to be an issue?” he asks.

“Oh please! Once all the straight guys find out someone as gorgeous as you isn't going to snag all the girls ? And the gay guys are gonna be tripping over each other to get to you. Dude you'll be fine.” she grins at him and drags him up to the front door.

 

So Jensen has never partied much. Or you know at all, but this? This is alright. He's sitting on the arm of a huge sofa beside Dani, and a group of her friends. They're pretty cool. Chris is this crazy ass musician with a wicked sense of humor and a pony-tail for fucks sake.

“ Chicks dig the hair man” he said to Jensen.

“ THAT'S total bull-shit!” Dani declares “ But Jensen doesn't really care about what the chicks dig any way.

“Awesome!” Chris said grinning and handing Jensen a glass of beer “ More for me!” and that was pretty much that.

So they're hanging out , shooting the shit, and it's all just rolling along. He's a teeny bit buzzed but still fine. He's maybe never really partied much but this isn't Jensen's first beer by a long shot.

And then the guy walks in from the back-yard. The one from school. With the mile long legs and the hair in his eyes. The one who ended up practically at Jensen feet, then ran away. And holy-fucking-shit does he clean up good! He's totally gorgeous , grinning and laughing his ass off. Jensen forgets not to stare.

“That him?” Dani asks quietly, up close, so only he can hear.

Jensen nods and the movement shakes something back into place in his brain and he realizes he's totally fucking gawking.

He blushes and looks at Dani. She laughs right at him.

“Well aren't you a lucky boy!” she says and takes a sip of her coke

"Why?” Jensen asks confused.

“ Because that is Jared. And he is the nicest guy in the world and totally, Totally gay. Plus … I sit beside him in AP English. I'll introduce you ” she says with a happy grin.

He almost hates to admit it, but this party might just be the best idea Dani has ever had.

 

                                                                                                               *

 

Jared loves parties. He gets to hang out with his friends, drink cheap beer, ogle hot guys, maybe make a new friend or two,and watch Chad strike out repeatedly.

He really likes Chris' parties. He's comfortable here. There is none of the bullshit from school about who will and won't talk to you, and all the stupid reasons for either one.At school everyone thinks they know who he is. Here Jared is just one of Chris' friends, not the tall dork who trips over his own feet, and gets all A's. Here he gets to leave most of that behind and just be himself. His friends know who he is.

Plus Chris really does throw a good party. The music is always awesome, there is a never ending supply of cheap beer, and Chris knows a lot of hot guys. Also If Chris likes you he tells you were the good beer is hiding, if you are underage and can't buy your own. And Chris likes Jared. Jared is a funny guy and smart, and he's never an asshole, even after he's had more to drink than he should. Which is good because party or not this is an asshole free zone. Chad doesn't count, besides he's not really an asshole.

So yeah party at Chris' tonight. It gives him something to do besides obsess about the new guy. Jensen. Jared hoped for, about a nano-second, that Jensen might be gay. Because seriously? He really is too good looking to be straight (Jared is totally OK with stereo-typing if the result is a guy that awesome being maybe gay. What-the-fuck-ever. It makes total sense in his head. ) It lasted until Jared walked into the cafeteria at lunch and saw Jensen sitting beside Dani Harris looking all moony-eyed and shit. Jared is really, totally gay, but he is not blind.Or stupid. Even he knows how good looking she is. Plus super smart,and popular as hell, She's always been nice to Jared but they don't really hang-out. Jared does alright but her circle of friends? Way out of his league. The two of them, Jensen and Dani, look fantastic together. Obviously Jensen is out of Jared's league too. In more ways than one.

Tough shit for Jared.

Good thing Jared is not a desperate fucking loser who crushes on straight guys. He goes to the party and gets on with his already pretty awesome life.

The party is awesome too. There are a ton of people there he knows and there is no sign of Dani and her hot boyfriend.

After a while Jared makes his way out to the back-yard to watch Chad crash and burn , again and again. It would be kind of sad except it's Chad. Jared often wonders were the hell he gets his never ending supply of really bad, not to mention fairly offensive pick-up lines. He hangs around and watches for a while but when some chick slaps Chad's face that's enough for Jared. Chad's not that bad. So Jared grabs his arm and hauls him away. Chad looks a little wounded and Jared feels bad for him. A little.

“Come on dude you don't need that shit. I'll find you a bottle of decent beer and we'll listen to the music inside.” Jared says .

Jared doesn't mind being inside. It's warmer and a couple of Chris' friends, Mikey and Misha, have got some kind of really weird bet involving yogurt going on. Jared's really glad he's not the one cleaning that shit up. He thinks there might be yogurt on the ceiling. By the time him and Chad make their way through the kitchen, looking for Chris, Jared is laughing so hard he can barely breath.

Chris is gonna blow a gasket and Jared can hardly wait to show him the pictures. Jared still owes Mikey for that shit with the permanent marker when he passed out at the lake. Jared scrubbed for over an hour trying to get the cock and balls off his forehead before his Nana showed up the next day for his birthday. No one can blame Jared if he is in a little bit of a hurry to rat the fucker out.

He spots Chris sitting on the sofa yapping away as usual, surrounded by people. The bottom drops out of Jared's stomach when he sees Dani and Jensen there with him. He thinks he'll wait until later to show Chris ...or whatever. Then he thinks this crush is getting ridiculous and really inconvenient.

He's trying to push his way through the crowd back the way he came when he hears

“Hey! Jared!” It's Dani. He can't figure out why she notices him now suddenly. As much as he kind of wishes he was for just a second, Jared is not a dick, so he turns around to see what she wants.

“ Hey Dani. How are you doing tonight?” he says smiling warm and genuine. He does actually like her after all.

“ I'm pretty good actually. How about you?” she says her hand on his arm holding him in place like she knows he wants to run away and hide.

“ Doing alright. Just hanging with Chad . “ he says looking around to see were Chad might actually be. Of course he's over talking to Chris, and Jensen. Little asshole.

“No date tonight?” Dani asks.

“ What ? Oh no. No date.” Jared says a little puzzled. Why would she want to know that?

“Awesome!” Dani says , beaming. “ There's someone I want you to meet!” and drags him toward the sofa. Jared kind of wants to like pull away and run like hell. No way this is gonna be good. “My cousin. He's gay and he's new here. He also really nice and a little shy so he doesn't really know anyone yet. And I sort of thought you guys might be perfect for each other plus you know everyone. “

Jared's thinking fuck-my-life he's gonna have to meet some mousy twink who can't make friends on his own, in front of the guy he has been crushing on. This is gonna suck if he doesn't pull it together quick. So he does. He plasters on a fake smile he hopes isn't too fake and follows Dani over to were she was sitting.

“I think you guys may have bumped into each other already.” she says with laughing . at him. Why is she laughing at him? “Jared this is my cousin Jensen.” she says and gives him a little shove closer. He doesn't really care anymore if she's laughing at him.

“ Hey! Jensen.” Jared says real smile firmly re-established.

“Hi “ Jensen says and looks right at him, smiling.

Jared spends the next while leaning against the sofa, cracking everybody up with the pictures on his phone of Mike Misha and the yogurt. When Chris finally figures out this was all going down in his kitchen he flips out as predicted and goes tearing in there to kick someone's ass. Jared keeps right on talking to Jensen.

Jared is feeling pretty pleased with himself. It's been a pretty productive evening. He's got a nice mellow buzz going on. Mikey is about to find out a bit more about payback. Also there is the part were Jared is laughing and flirting a little with the hottest guy in the room.

There is really girly scream from the kitchen and suddenly Mikey goes tearing by with Chris right on his heels looking ready to commit murder. Chris has a tub of yogurt in his hand and Mike is running for his life.

When Jared turns back toward Jensen to laugh at their antics he finds himself suddenly grinning so hard his face hurts . Because seriously? Jensen is totally caught checking his ass out.

 Ok so maybe NOT out of Jared's league after all.

 

 

                                                                                                          *

 

So maybe Jared is an enormous clumsy goof ball

sometimes but he fucking loves Phys Ed. Mr Morgan , the PE teacher, is a great guy and when he saw how tall Jared got over the summer he was stoked to get his hooks into Jared and and make him sweat.

Yes Jared can trip over nothing. So what? He is also the tallest guy in his PE class . And the fastest. Mr Morgan is one of those people who are constantly telling Jared not to worry about his bony elbows, or ridiculous legs , or feet the size of gunboats. So mostly he doesn't, worry about it, that is. Mostly he just runs. His ridiculous legs serve him well on the track.

Nobody is laughing at him when he rounds the 4th turn on the track, pounding along as fast as he can. He's never gonna set any world records but Jared fucking loves running and he's fast. Coach Morgan is always trying to get him to run strategically and Jared mostly does what he's asked, but Jared's not going to college on a track scholarship. He runs because it's the place were he can go and think things all the way through. He runs and while he's pushing the shit out of his body his mind goes were it needs to.

Today he is thinking about the party at Chris's . About the hottest guy on the fucking planet talking to him. Jared is thinking about how to make that happen again. He's also thinking about how great Jensen's ass looked in those jeans. Then he decides the middle of PE is maybe not the best place to get a hard-on. Jensen's ass in those jeans is certainly capable of causing one. So he starts thinking about the possibility that sitting on the arm of a sofa laughing for a couple of hours might be all he gets. That takes care of the whole hard-on thing.

He really wants more than the time he had before his best friend/DD duties kicked and he had to take Chad home.

It's only been a little while but Jared is already tired of longing looks and all the 'is he isn't he' It's been established that indeed Jensen is gay. That's one of the many perks of catching a hot guy checking out your ass when he thinks no one is looking. The part Jared doesn't know is if he made any kind of a decent impression. He's pretty sure Jensen liked what he saw. Jared made him laugh a few times . And no he didn't exactly throw himself at Jared but he didn't run away screaming either. And there was eye contact, definite eye cont-

“Oomph!” Jared runs right into- someone, and goes down hard.

“Jesus Fucking Christ Padalecki watch where the fuck you're going!” yells Chad barely avoiding being crushed to death.

“ Language Murray!” bellows Coach Morgan “ Padalecki get your head out of your ass and watch where you're going!”

Maybe sorting his head out in PE isn't the smartest plan. Jared takes a minute before he gets up. Maybe he hit the ground a little harder than he thought too.

“ Hey man , are you like... hurt?” Chad asks bending down to make sure.

“ Nah” Jared answers pretty sure it's true “ You?”

“Uninjured!” Chad declares throwing his hands in the air and dancing around like an idiot . “No fucking thanks to you and your fucking stilt legs!”

“ Murray!” coach bellows “Language!”

Chad hauls Jared to his feet just as Coach calls time and they all head for the showers.

Jared hopes he gets something figured out before he does himself like damage walking around so distracted. He trips over his own feet twice walking off the track At least that hasn't changed.

 

 

                                                                                                           *

Jensen's not a real bookstore kind of guy.

Yeah, yeah he reads, bookstores are just not his thing. In fact he can't remember the last time he was in one. He didn't know fuck all about the bookstores here until Dani told him Jared worked in one. When he asked were it was she laughed right in his face and called him a dumb-ass a couple of times before he got his answer. He really loved her but she could be kind of a merciless bitch until she'd had her fun with him.

“Why am I a dumb-ass?” he demands indignantly

“Born that way I suspect. Also you should have gotten his number Friday night so you wouldn't be reduced to stalking him”

“I'm not stalking him!”

“Yeah but only because you can't find him!” she snorts. “Dumb-ass”

“Well that wouldn't be a problem if you would tell me were the fucking bookstore is!” Jensen says, doing his level best not to yell .

“It also wouldn't be a problem if you had just asked for his number” Dani calmly opens her binder and starts writing. “Dumb-ass”

Jensen closes his eyes for a second, He knows she just teasing him a bit. It's her job as both a surrogate sister and his best friend. He tells himself that hitting a girl is wrong, even if she was being an annoying bitch

“ Dani please" he tries (and fails) to keep the whine out of his voice "just tell me where he works?”

It's been over a week since the party at Chris's and Jensen has not had even one opportunity to talk to Jared. They don't share any classes and have no real friends in common. Jensen is starting to get a little desperate. "Please?" desperate is not his best look.

“ On one condition” she looks so smug Jensen wants to hurt her a little.

“ What?” Jensen huffs, secretly glad there was only one.

Dani tears the piece of paper she was writing on out of her binder and slides it across the dining table, but not taking her hand off it.“ You stop being such a fucking chick and get his number.”

Jensen looks at what she's written.

 

The BookStore

12423 fuller

Sat 10-5

Sun 2-8

Mon 4-8

 

She taps the bottom half of the note. “Those are his hours” she grins at him. “Dumbass”

Jensen parks his truck just down the street from “The BookStore”. And sits there. Suddenly he's all nerves . He thinks about the 3 hours at the party he spent talking to this amazing boy on Friday. He thinks about how funny and smart and kind and gorgeous Jared is. He likes this boy.

He thinks about coming to California, the things he promised himself.

 That right there is enough. Everything about coming here has been stepping out of his comfort zone. Pointless to stop now when that was the whole point in the first place. He thinks about who he was in Texas and who he can be here and opens the door of his truck. He really doesn't want to make Dani right.

 

 Jensen hasn't been in a lot of bookstores, frankly he prefers libraries, but this one seems a little.... different. It's not all crisp and clean and brightly lit like the chain book places he's been in. It's painted darker autumn colors, every wall and most of the floor space is completely full of bookshelves, that are themselves completely full of books. There are little pockets like sitting areas with plants and wicker furniture. It's more like … his grampa's living room. It kind of makes Jensen want to grab a book and sit down. Here there is no coffee bar or video game section. Just thousands of books.

Jensen stands by the door orienting himself for a second. He doesn't see anyone which seems a little weird. What if someone came in and robbed the place? He takes a second to rethink that. Robbing a book store …. he decides to file that one under 'WTF?brain' and move on, because seriously how rich are you gonna get stealing all the books you can carry?

 He didn't really have a plan other than come down here, talk to Jared, maybe flirt with him for a bit and potentially ask him out. Either of those is pretty much impossible if he can't find Jared.

 So instead of standing by the door like a tool he looks around and and heads for the classics section. With any luck it will be a little more fleshed out than the average Barnes and Noble.

 Their classics section is fantastic. They have everything Hemingway ever wrote, in hardcover. There are even used paperbacks for god-sake.He could spend hours in the place.

 He's glad Dani's not there …. he never hear the end of the fucking squeak he makes when a familiar voices says “Something I can help you with?”

 

 

                                                                                                                *

Jared likes working at the bookstore with his Aunty Caroline but this is the slowest day ever and he is really sick of stock totals. It's his job to lift heavy boxes and smile at customers, not do Math. It's boring and he's not very good at it. They're doing totals from the children's section, which he actually kind of likes, when they both hear the buzzer announcing a customer.

“Jared honey” his aunt says pushing a strand of hair off of her face and waving vaguely toward the front “will you get this one?” If she stops now they'll have to start the count again.

Jared is happy to get out of tossing boxes of books around, so he heads for the front. Dealing with customers will hopefully give him something else to think about besides Friday night and what a cock-blocking asshole Chad is. Dumb shit needs to learn to quit drinking before he's incapacitated. Then Jared won't have to stop talking to the hottest guy on the planet to drag Chad's sorry ass home. He's lucky Jared is a good and loyal friend, because when Chad lost consciousness on the way to the car Jared might have really, like really, wanted to roll him under the nearest piece of shrubbery and head back in to talk to Jensen. Instead Jared gave up any hope of seeing Jensen again and dragged the little asshole home, all too aware of the fact this might have been his one and only chance.

So Jared tries not to mope or obsess or think too seriously of kicking Chad's ass and heads to the front to do his job. He loves books and he likes his job so it shouldn't be hard.

It takes him a second to spot whoever came in and Jared almost swallows his tongue when he sees the back of Jensen’s head over in the classics section. By the time he walks over Jared has managed to tone down his face-splitting grin until it's a smirk at most.

“Something I can help you with?” Jared asks trying to sound professional, it is what he gets paid for.

Jensen squeaks and whips around clearly startled and looking a little freaked out. He even sounds uncertain “Uh... just looking at the Hemingway?”

“Oh hey Jensen “ Jared goes for casual and hopes he pulls it off. He not feeling very casual though. “ So you like Hemingway?” It would be great if Jensen was here to see him but it also wouldn't surprise him if Jensen was a fan. He seemed pretty well read when they were hanging out. He's obviously pretty frigging smart.

“ Uh... no . Well yes actually I do like Hemingway. A lot...but uh.” Jensen stops for a second.

So he's here for the books then. Jared tries not to feel crushed, but it's hard. When he first saw Jensen he was really hoping.

Really hoping.

He puts on his bookseller guy face and says “So are you looking for something in particular?”

“I uh”Jensen clears his throat and looks at his shoes then back at Jared, an uncertain smile on his face that causes a hopeful twist in Jared's stomach “I didn't really come here for a book.”

Jensen does that thing were he rubs the back of his neck and suddenly Jared knows he's nervous as hell. Jared smiles encouragingly even though his heart is hammering the shit out of his ribs. And yeah maybe that's a bit dramatic. Who gives a damn, it's Jensen.

“I came to ask if you want to go get coffee with me. Sometime?” Jensen rubs the back of his neck again eyes flicking away, then back again. “Uh after work maybe?”

Jensen's asking him out for coffee! Jared's grinning like and idiot.“ I get off at 5”

“Yeah I know” Jensen laughs a little and looks at Jared sheepishly. “Dani told me. So is that a yes?” He looks as hopeful as Jared feels.

“ Yes! Totally! Yeah” Jared has a hard time getting is inner tween girl under control.

“Awesome!” Jensen replies and Jared gets to see that big open grin of his.

“Can I wait around until you're done? Maybe read a little?”

“ Not a library boy .” Aunty Caroline says from the till.

“ No ma'am. You have some paperbacks I like the look of.” Jensen turns to face her , his chin goes up and he stands a little straighter “Thought I'd take my time picking a couple out. If that's alright?”

“ That'd be alright, I guess.” her tone is brusque but Jared can see the sparkle in her eye and knows she doesn't mean it. “But Jared's got work to do.”

“Yes ma'am” Jensen replies the very model of politeness. He smiles at Jared one last time and goes to select a book.

It's 4:15 . Jared has 45 minutes left. He spends them thinking up excuses to be up front at the till - were he can ogle Jensen.

Coffee with Jensen turns out to be awesome! He's smarter than Jared realized. All the time they are talking and laughing and drinking coffee Jensen is touching the collection of Hemingway's shorts stories he bought.

Jared is really fucking glad he works at “The BookStore”. They have a ton of Hemingway.

 

                                                                                                         *

 

Jensen loves California.

Don't get him wrong he loves Texas too. You can't spend 17 years somewhere and not have it be a part of you. He still misses it there sometimes. But man, California fucking rocks. He hasn't found a single thing here to dislike. He and Jared are a thing for just almost 2 weeks when he finds one.

Here he is on a Friday after school , heading to the parking lot , to see Jared. You know Jared... the gigantic hot-ass super-smart boy he is dating. Even if they've only been out for coffee once. Still counts.

They've been hanging out all week and it's the weekend and after Jared drops off his sister they are going to hang out some more. On a date. No checking over his shoulder. No sneaking around. No pretending to be just friends. California fucking rocks.

Jensen has met all of Jared's friends. They all eat lunch together and no one really cares that Jared and Jensen holds hands all the time. The girls all making cooing noises and think they're adorable, which Jensen has to admit they probably totally are. He sure he looks like a complete sap every time he looks at Jared. He doesn't really give a shit.

The only one who has anything to say about them, so far, is Chad. He mostly just makes gagging noises when they sit really close, or look at each other too long with out talking. Jared says is because he's a lonely jealous loser.

So it's Friday afternoon and Jensen can hardly wait. He's crossing to the parking lot when he sees that long frame leaning against the family car. Jensen feels the big stupid grin that he only ever gets when he sees Jared.

“Hi”Jared says when Jensen stops in front of him. He looks and sounds kind of surprised. Like he didn't think Jensen would really meet him here.

This confuses Jensen a little , because hello,not an idiot. “Hi yourself” he says and steps close. “ I am so stoked for tonight! We're still going right ?” having his own moment of doubt and nervousness. It's still a little unbelievable he gets to be with someone as smart and funny and kind-hearted as Jared.

“Course” Jared says lightly. Jensen sees Jared's surprise slip away in the face of Jensen's own minor doubt. They settle back against the car leaning slightly towards each other and wait and they talk and it's easy. Easy in a way Jensen has never experienced.

There is nothing awkward about it at all. It's like once they decided they liked each other they just got on with liking each other. It makes Jensen wonder for a minute what it's gonna be like the first time he kisses Jared. Or Jared kisses him. What ever. There's gonna be kissing at some point and it's gonna be awesome. He’s still thinking about kissing Jared when Chad shows up.

“Hey homos!” Chad yells from across the parking lot. “ What's the fucking plan for tonight!”

Chad has a ridiculously foul mouth and hits on every girl that gets within range. Except Dani. Who appears to scare the holy hell out of Chad, so clearly the guy isn't stupid. And there's that thing with Sophia Bush. The only time Chad ever shuts up is when Sophia is close enough to hear what he is saying. Then he has nothing to say. Jared makes a point of mocking him for it brutally, but only when Sophia Bush is not around to hear him. Chad is Jared's oldest best friend. He says Chad is an acquired taste. Jensen figures he'll have to work up to really liking Chad. Until then he can tolerate him.

Chad launches himself at both of them. Jensen backs away quickly, from the look on Chad's face he's moving in for a kiss. No way in hell are Chad's lips getting anywhere near Jensen's skin. He let's Jared grab Chad and snag him into head-lock. Jensen laughs his ass off watching Chad flail and swear and screech to be let go. After a couple of minutes Jared drops him on his ass. Jensen laughs even harder at that.

“ So asshole” Chad wants to know “ What's the plan? It's been a long week we gotta blow off some steam! We gonna grab some beer and hang out at my place? ”

“Uh.... we're going out” Jared tells him.

“Were we going?” Chad asks not yet clued in.

“Jensen and I.... are going out. Together. On a date.”

The look of disappointment on Chad face makes Jensen feel a little bad until Chad opens his mouth. “ What?! Man you're ditching me for the hot piece of ass?” Then Jensen kind of wants to punch him a little. It's a familiar feeling, wanting to punch Chad and Jensen has only known him a week.

“Chad you ditch me for girls all the time. “ Jared says patiently “ And don't call my boy-friend a hot piece of ass. Only I get to call him that” Jared says with a smirk. Jensen is a little stuck on the 'my boy-friend' thing and he feels it more when Jared pushes him with his shoulder, big shit-eating grin on his face like he knows what he said gets to Jensen.

“ Boy-friend!” someone snaps, and Jensen turns to look at an unhappy looking blond girl. She actually looks really pissed “ You have a “boy-friend” ?” she says complete with air quotes. Jensen wonders who she is, an ex of Jared's maybe? That can't be right though because Jared told him he's known since 8th grade he was gay and has never dated a girl. Who ever this girl is , she is very clearly not happy.

“ Hey Ashley” Jared turns to her with a smile “ I told you about Jensen.” Jared grabs Jensen's hand and pulls him forward “Jensen this is my sister Ashley. “

Jensen smiles warmly at her “Hey . Nice to meet you” but he can feel his smile freezing at the hostility he sees in her eyes. She doesn't say anything to Jensen, doesn't even really look at him. Her eyes flick to were there hands are joined and Jensen wants to let go, maybe step back.

“Can we go. I have stuff to do.” is all she says as she gets into their car.

Jared squeezes his hand gently “So I'll see you at 7?” Jared asks stepping close. Jensen knows, knows, this is it. That kiss he's been fucking dreaming about.

“JARED!” Ashley snaps” Let's. Go!” Jared jumps back like he's been shocked his eyes flicking to his sister and then back to Jensen.

“ Yeah. I'll pick you up“ he assures Jared “ Just like we said.” Jensen squeezes his hand “See you then.” and steps away from the car.

“See you” Jared tells him his smile slightly apologetic and he gets in the car.

As they are driving away Jensen is pretty sure he hears Ashley say ``Do I really need to see gross fucking PDA with you and some guy ?” Jensen feels his heart clench painfully as they drive away. The disgust he hears is a little too familiar.

 

Jensen was prepared to like Jared's sister Ashley because Jared loves her and his family means so much to him. It's gonna take some work, liking her.

 

When he goes to Jared's house to pick him up she glares at him.

 

The next time Jensen sees Ashley it's in the halls at school. He’s on his way to AP Chem and she is clustered by the sophomore lockers with a group of identically blonde girls, wearing inter-changeable clothes. They are all glaring at him like he's a diseased rodent. He knows that look and tries not to let it scald him. It does a little though, he thought that shit was behind him in his old life. He keeps his face neutral and keeps going, not looking away and not challenging. Jensen has finally found something about California he doesn't like.

 

When they walk past Ashley in the hall hers is the only voice he hears whisper “Fag”. Her hate filled voice hurts him, but not as much as the look on Jared's face. She is Jared's sister, his only sibling, and he loves her the way he loves the rest of his family. Which is to say with everything he has.

 

Jared is holding his hand on the way to lunch and Jensen sees Ashley approaching. Her eyes flick to were their hands are joined and the only thing Jensen can think is to pull his hand away. He doesn't need to look at Jared's face to know that this time it's Jensen who hurt him. Jensen doesn't finish pulling his hand away. Instead he stops and pulls Jared to a stop with him. Jared doesn't want to look at him, his eyes avoid Jensen's as if afraid of what he will see

Jensen lifts Jared's hand to his lips and kisses the back “ I'm sorry” Jensen whispers . When Jared can look in his eyes they carry on walking. Jared's smile is back but it's weak and watered down. Jensen never wants to be the one who puts that look on his face again.

He has no control over what she says or does but he has control over how he responds to it. She is never gonna have the satisfaction of making him pull away from Jared . Never.

 

Jensen has found something he hates about California. All the casual cruelty he has experienced in his life does not hurt him the way Ashley's anger and hatred hurts Jared. For the first time in his life Jensen feels hatred for another person.

 

                                                                                                                  *

 

Jared has had a lot of first dates. Well not a lot, a few. More than a few. Some. OK fine, a lot! The point is not that he's a slut because he isn't. He dates. He screws around a little.

What he hasn't had a lot of are second dates. There have been a few guys he liked well enough to see again. Just not that many. Mostly a second date is pretty much all she wrote.

He also hasn't had a lot of relationships.

Michael Henders in grade 10, was a relationship. A really shitty painful unpleasant relationship.

They were friends first and Jared really liked him. They had known each other about 4 months, had a few things in common and Mike was a very funny guy. Jared really likes to laugh and Mike made him laugh. In retrospect, Jared realized, it was usually at other peoples expense.

When Mike asked him out Jared said yes. It was great for a couple of weeks and Jared was really starting to care about the guy. Then Jared discovered Mike was also a mean insecure prick, who loved getting blow jobs and hated giving them. He was also a bully but only to people he was dating. End of relationship.

You could not call that thing he was doing with Jeremy Fuller in 11thgrade a relationship. Even Chad wouldn't call it that and Chad is basically an idiot about relationships. That thing with Jeremy Fuller was screwing around, plain and simple. It was a lot of fun but it was is no way serious. It was about getting off and that's what they did. A lot. When Jeremy met someone he really liked they called a halt and moved on. Zero hard feelings. Not a relationship.

Jared sn't scarred for life or anything. It just isn't worth the hassle.

So he goes on first dates and sometimes second dates. He fools around a little and generally just enjoys being a healthy, young, not-bad-looking guy with a fully functional sex drive. There's no reason to even think about getting serious.

 

Then there's this boy from Texas. Suddenly Jared wishes he has a fucking clue about dating versus hooking up. Suddenly he questions everything he knows about first dates because none of the ones he's had in the past ever got him anything more than a second date and/or a hook-up. That's not what he wants with Jensen .

Well OK he does want that, but not just that. He wants3rd, 4thand 5th dates. However many he can get, really.

He wants more than just a hook-up. He can get that. What he wants is to know Jensen, and hang-out with him, pretty much all the time. He wants to do this right , he wants it to be something.

                                                                                                                     *

 

Jensen has never been on a date in his life. Not one. The closest he'd ever come was Aaron Coulter giving him a hand-job in the can at a movie theater back home when a whole group of them went to watch some boring piece of action crap.

Jensen never went out with girls. He screwed around with a couple when he was trying to figure shit out. It didn't take him long to realize no girl was ever going to do it for him. It took Jensen a considerably longer amount of time to come to terms with the fact that it was guys that would do it for him. Then a lot longer to actually do anything about it. What he figured out wasn't dating. He did other stuff but there was no dating.

He didn't really have a clue what to do. He didn't know what that should look like, dating someone. Yes he had asked Jared out but only because that's what you were supposed to do. He just knew he wanted to go out with Jared, be out with him. Yes he was aware there was some irony to thinking of it like that. Shut up.

It almost killed him to have to ask Dani for help. He didn't have a lot of choices though. It was Dani or Aunt Sam. He'd rather gargle Drano than ask his aunt for dating advice.

Dani almost popped a blood vessel in her brain she laughed so hard.Seriously.

“Take him to dinner, then maybe a movie or bowling or some shit.” she thought about it more for a second. Jensen was grateful she was putting some thought into it. Until she started talking again. “Finish it off with some kissing, maybe a hand-job. “ she smirked at his horrified expression “ I wouldn't go as far as a blow job though” she said laughing “ Don't want the guy thinking you are a slut.”

Jensen wanted to bang his head against something. It would be easier on his brain than this shit. “Dani,come on” the whine was back in his voice “ Be serious”

“ I am serious! I know you got around a little back home.” she looked at him clearly bewildered “How the hell did you manage to never go on a date? Even Chad's been on dates for fucks sake!”

“You're kidding right?” he asked “ Small-town Texas? No on was out. Not in high school.”

“So what then?” she asks “ A ton of screwing around? And nothing else?”

“Not a ton.” Jensen tells her quietly “ But nothing else either” he looks her in the eye to say “I knew I was leaving soon. It didn't seem worth getting beat up for”

“Well” she says getting up to leave “Good thing getting beat up isn't such a big issue now, when you finally find someone that is worth it”

 

                                                                                                              *

 

 

Jensen picks Jared up at his front door at 1 minute past 7. Jared's sister is standing behind him when Jared opens the door. Jared does his best to ignore her, which turns out to be not that hard once he opens the door.

Jensen looks incredible, like ten times as good as he usually does, which shouldn't even be possible. He's wearing those jeans from the party again and a dark olive T-shirt and cowboy boots.His hair looks a little too perfect and Jared has the mad urge to mess it up, find out what it feels like. It might be a little early in the game for molesting the guy in his parents foyer so instead Jared grabs his keys and his jacket and they head out to Jensen's jeep.

Jensen takes him to the burger place Jared said was the best in town. Jared mentioned it exactly once and he is completely impressed that Jensen remembered.

They go the noir movie house and spend an hour and half admiring Robert Mitchum's ability to quietly angst. It's Jared's favorite genre and his favorite actor.

By 11 they are done “ I had a really great time, Jensen.” there is a bit of regret in his voice. Jared doesn't want the night to be over.

Jensen looks over from where he is sitting behind the wheel. “Do you have to get back?”

“No,not really .” Jared tells him “ My curfew isn't til 1 on Fridays”

“Huh, me too” Jensen says looking relieved but still unsure “ I've never really done this before” he says quietly looking away, maybe embarrassed Jared thinks.

“Done what?” Jared asks completely baffled. “Never been to a movie, out for dinner with someone, never sat quietly in the dark and talked to someone you liked?”He can't quite figure out what Jensen means Jared waits for him to explain.

“All of the above?” Jensen says quiet and hesitant “ Except for the movie. I've been to a movie . Just never... like this.”

“Like this?” Jared asks , he's really confused now.

“On a date” Jensen says looking away.

Jared almost gets distracted by how gorgeous Jensen is when he's shy. A little flushed and his freckles... “Wait. What? A date?' he says catching up to what Jensen says. “You never been on a date with a guy before?”

Jensen looks at his hands “ A date. I've never been on a date before” he looks so uncomfortable Jared just wants to make him feel better.

He wonders if kissing him would work. Jared is just about to lean in and find out when something occurs to him. “ Never? But I thought you'd like been with people before. Guys. Been with guys.Right?” Jared hopes he remembered it right because if he got it wrong it changes shit and he needs to slow the fuck down and back off, a lot.

“ Yeah!” Jensen says emphatically “But it was always just messing around. It never really meant anything” He looks at Jared so hopefully and yet there is doubt there as well. . As if he doesn't know that this already means something to both of them.

Jared leans in and decides to remove all doubt.

Jensen has _definitely_ done this before, probably a lot, because holy fuck is he an awesome kisser. No hesitation. No holding back. This is not the way you kiss when you've spent your life kissing girls. This is not shy or uncertain. There's pressure and force and there's stubble, and it's not gentle.

Jensen pulls Jared in by the front of his shirt and kisses him until neither of them can breath.

 

It's as far as they go. There is no talking about it but they both know this is far from their last date.

They have all the time in the world. Neither one wants to rush through this to get to “the good part” because right now, where they are is the good part.

 

It's a brand-new feeling for both of them.

 

                                                                                                    *

 

Samantha comes down just past 1 am to lock up and see if Jensen is home yet. She isn't really in a position to enforce much but they had a deal and he is 5 minutes past breaking it. She's used to this shit from Dani but from Jensen it surprises her a little. It also gives her heart a secret thrill she will never share with either one of her kids. It's about time.

Jensen is the best kid she knows including her own. Sam loves Dani with her entire heart but she is a realist, her daughter is not a bad girl but she's not a good girl either. Somewhere half-way between the two maybe. Not such a bad thing in the long run , Sam thinks.

Jensen is a lot less work but he worries her more. He's been so busy trying to please his parents for the last couple of years it seems like he forgot his own life. When he came to her for the summer he was exhausted. All he did for the first week was sleep. Then he started doing dishes , and laundry and vacumming to help her out. Sam told him to knock it the fuck off and act his age. “ Go find a spot by the pool and park your ass there” she told him firmly “ I want you here because I love you. I don't need a house-keeper.”

Now that he's living here Jensen helps out. But Sam made it clear when they decided he was staying that she loved him and he was fine just being Jensen. She just wants him to figure out who he is and what he wants for himself, now that he doesn't have a whole whack of people telling him. She thinks he's doing pretty good on that score so far.

 

When she's done checking that the lights are off and the doors are locked Sam picks up her phone and calls Jensen to find out were the hell he is. It seems like it's time to start worrying. Which fine, it's her job now, but why the hell can she here his ring tone? Sam follows the sound quickly before the call ends.

It's coming from the front door. Sam looks out and sure enough there he is sitting on the front step.

“Hey kid” she says opening the door and trying to keep the worry out of her voice “ What are you doing sitting out here?”

Jensen turns to look at her surprised. “ Oh hey Aunty” he smiles sweetly up at her and Sam wishes for the hundredth time he was more hers. “ I was just thinking” he says moving over to make room on the step beside him.

Sam sits down pulling her robe close to keep the cool out. “ Everything OK?”

“Yeah” Jensen says grinning over at her “Everything's great”

“So you had a good time then” Sam says leaning in, stealing some of his warmth.

“Really good” Jensen tells her and Sam can see from the dopey grin on his face that it is completely true.

“ He must be pretty amazing to put a smile like that on your face “ she teases.

“ He is!” Jensen says shaking his head like he can't believe his luck.

Sam kind of loves the fact that Jensen is bowled over and a little speechless. He deserves this kind of happiness. “ You gonna see him again?”

“Tomorrow night” he tells her kind of blissed out. The sound of it makes her so happy she kind of wants to laugh. She settles for kissing his temple .

“Next time” she says standing to go in “ let me know you're back. OK?”

“ OK” he says happily and carries on staring at the stars.

“ And don't stay out here until you're cold.” she”s happy for him but she can't help the Mom tone.

“Mm-hm” he says and Sam wonders if he even heard her.

 

He is so gone she doesn't have the heart to bitch about 5 minutes past curfew.

 

                                                                                                             *

 

So it's possible Jared might have a hard time keeping his mouth shut.

Especially when Chad is involved. He's known Chad since the first week of kindergarten... you think he would have learned by now.

“ HA-fucking ha!“ Chad bellows dancing around his mothers kitchen “You SUCK! I WIN! You LOSE!” he's leaping around with his arms in the air like a marathon winner. If Jared could breath he'd punch him. Maybe he'll do that after he douses the fucking inferno in his mouth and throat and -oh god- his esophagus ! Jared flails toward the sink and Chad follows, laughing, the fucker!

“ Man for a guy who supposed to be all like super-fucking smart and shit?“ Chad says, as he shoves a glass of milk into Jared's hand “You are one stupid fucker!”

Jared agrees with him, a little. In a long list of fucked up things, eating a whole pickled hot pepper in one go, may be the most fucked up thing that Chad has ever talked him into. Especially to win a bet.

It would have been awesome though, if he'd done it. His mouth would still be on fire but he'd have the little fucker at his mercy, not the other way around. Instead Jared got about a third of the fucking thing down and it felt like he had blisters in his mouth. By the time it was two thirds done, his lips were starting to go numb, his eyes were watering so bad he couldn't see and he felt like puking. It was the thought of stomach acid in his mouth that did him in. He just couldn't do it.

Jared takes a huge swig of the milk and then chokes on it, spraying over Mrs, Murray's counter but he keeps on drinking . It's his only chance of relief from the blistering pain is his mouth. He's pretty sure there is no cure for being stupid enough to get sucked into another one of Chad's fucking pinhead stunts.

“You!” Jared gasps “are a dick!“ his voice just above a croak as he fumbles for the milk again.

“Yeah well” Chad shoots back “I'm also a winner!” He looks like he wants to start doing his stupid victory dance again and Jared kind of wants to punch him in the neck. Chad grins at him like he is the most entertaining human being on the planet.

“I 'm glad my pain brings you so much joy!” Jared says rinsing the milk glass and putting it in the sink. Just because Chad is a terrible human being does not mean Jared is prepared to make work for his mama.

“Dude this is gonna fucking rock!” Chad says with a big ol' ass-wipe grin on his face.

Jared is gonna have to listen to the little fucker yap about this forever, but Chad won the bet fair and square. Jared hopes he isn't going to be a total dick about what he won.

He hopes Jensen doesn't laugh too fucking hard. Jared just knows losing means he's going to be showing up at Chris's Halloween party dressed as the fucking Easter bunny or some shit.

Maybe Chad is right and he is one stupid fucker. How else would you explain that Chad got him to eat (almost) a whole hot pepper and now he's picking Jared's fucking Halloween costume?

 

“Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” Jared shrieks like a terrified chick. The guy has a week to come up with something and this is what he's got?

“No. NO! Oh Hell NO!” Jared says backing away from Chad “They're too fucking tight!” He'd rather wear the hypothetical bunny suit!

“ Come on now Jay-man” Chad says cheerily, holding out a pair of black pants, “I won, and you promised.”

“Yeah, but I thought you just wanted to humiliate me a bit” Jared protests, “not make me die of embarrassment!”

“Come on ya big baby, it's not that bad.” Chad says and Jared wonders why the little fucker always seems to be laughing at him lately.

“ That's a “Deathcab T-shirt! There is no way it's 'not that bad'!” Jared bitches, scowling at him again. “Those pants are so tight they're gonna cut off circulation to my dick! I have to wear that shit to Chris's party and people will see me in it! Jensen will SEE me!” Jared leans in and hisses the last bit in Chad's face.

“Yeah well then it'll be your lucky day because Sophia said you'll look hot in this.” Chad is still laughing, throwing the band T-shirt at him “So quit your fucking bitching and whining and put this shit on because we are already late!” Chad stands there,tapping his foot expectantly as if the argument is over “ I won, you lost! Man the fuck up Padalecki!” OK so he's right. Jared grabs the offensive fucking crap off the floor were it landed and stomps into his bathroom to change.

“Don't forget the belt and the guy-liner!” Chad yells right before Jared shuts the bathroom door on his smug asshole face.

Jared is standing in there in nothing but his boxers, one leg in the jeans when the rest of what Chad said clicks.

“ What the fuck do you mean 'Sophia said...?' “ Jared demands as he's jumping up and down down trying to get the zipper up with out snagging his dick hair.

 

“ I look fucking ridiculous!” Jared says in the car. Scowling at his reflection in the vanity mirror.

“ Yeah well maybe next time you'll think about it a little harder when I say 'I bet you cant' …..” Jared hits the smug little prick so hard the car swerves. Chad corrects pretty fast and Jared curses Drivers Ed. If they crashed he could spend the night in the ER instead of walking around getting laughed at. They'd probably cut these fucking pants off him and let him die with some dignity.

 

It figures that there are more people at Chris's Halloween house-party than Jared had ever seen there at one time, ever. He guesses it's better if there are more people , at least he isn't the only one walking around in a ridiculous get-up. This is proved by the fact that right after he and Chad get there they see Mikey go by dressed as.... either a giant cucumber or an enormous green dick. Since it's Mikey it could be either one.

OK, fine, there are people who look way more ridiculous than he does. It doesn't change the fact that people are staring at him. Stupid skinny-leg pants. Stupid eyeliner. Stupid Chad.

He just hopes Chris is too busy to make an issue of this.

“Damn , son! What the hell happened to you?” Chris calls from behind him. Nope not too busy then.

“Hey Chris.” Jared says turning around hoping his friend might keep the mocking to a minimum. “ I lost a bet to Chad. The fucker.”

“ So what?' Chris says, laughing at him “ This is supposed to be your punishment?”

“ Shut up! Everybody is fucking gawking at me! “ Jared bitches “Like I'm the only one here dressed like an idiot!” Jared growls. “I need a fucking drink .”

Jared follows Chris onto the back deck were the cooler with the good beer is stashed. He might be underage but he's not a mooch, he'll give Chris a 20 later. That should cover all the beer he's gonna need to drink to make this stupid emo get-up bearable. Just as Jared is bending over to get a beer he hears a whistleand a familiar female voice says “Nice pants!”

Dani. Which means Jensen is somewhere close. Jared wants to just hang his head or run away - or maybe both at once. That might put a crimp in hanging out with his boyfriend, He's also pretty sure he can't run in these pants so Jared clenches his jaw, grabs a beer and stands up. He wants to hide as long as he can but it wont do any good, they are eventually going to see how stupid he looks. So he pushes his straightened hair out of his eyes and turns around .

Jared thinks he's prepared, but there is no way in hell he could ever have been prepared for the sight of Jensen dressed in full-on Goth gear.

Skin tight black pants, knee high buckled Docs, black mesh tank, long black velvet coat. Jensen gorgeous eyes are completely surrounded by smudged black. He's wearing a collar. Jensen is dressed like every cliche you've ever heard about Goth kids and Jared has never seen another human being look hotter. He forgets how to talk, or move, all he can do is stare. He's pretty sure his mouth is hanging open.

“Holy shit!” he hears Jensen say. Jared doesn't even have time to cringe over how stupid he looks himself before Jensen grabs his face and whispers “You look really fucking HOT!” onto Jared's lips before pulling him in for the dirtiest hottest wettest kiss Jared has ever had. He slips his hands around Jensen's hips and pulls him all the way in, so there is no space between them.

Jared barely hears Chris squawking “Jesus Christ you two ! Get a room!” he's too busy kissing the hottest guy there to give a damn. Jared spares a thought for what an asshole genius Chad is (and makes a mental note to appropriately thank who ever did this to his boyfriend) before he gets back to what he's doing.

 

                                                                                                      *

 

Jensen was never much of a 'joiner'.

He used to play baseball before he destroyed his knee, but the clubs and activities at his old school were just never his thing. He partied, he studied, he stayed quiet.

It wasn't because he was anti-social and he wasn't really as shy as everyone seemed to think. He'd had friends after all, good friends that he had known all his life. He just didn't ever feel like he could be honest, tell them who he really was.

 

Once he came to terms with who he was, how he was, and what he really wanted Jensen longed for that to change. Really though, it was never going to happen in his old life. There was just no place were he could completely be himself, no place were he really fit in. He'd wanted that for so long, without ever finding it. Eventually Jensen resigned himself to that being wishful thinking. So he kept his head down and tried to fly under everyone’s radar.

 

When he climbed on the bus that took him to California Jensen made some decisions, consciously and deliberately to change . He made new rules for himself on the 2 days it took to get to here. No more hiding. Do what feels right even if it scares the shit out of you. Be who you really are for the rest of your life.

 

Standing in the hall outside the 'Arts Room' Jensen's reminding himself, repeating these things under his breath. Jensen is aware that he sounds like kind of a tool, but he has to or he's going to chicken out.Besides no one can hear him so it doesn't count. He grips the flier he's been holding and pushes the door open.

 

 

Jensen isn't exactly sure what he thought a GSA meeting would look like. He has only met 2 openly gay people in his life and Jared is one of them. This room full of strangers is not what he expected.

A dozen kids of varying ages from freshman to seniors sitting around all talking animatedly. Every style of dress from conservative to completely flamboyant is represented here. So is every possible color of hair and a couple of impossible ones. It's everything he never saw before he came to California.

They all look up pretty much in unison stop talking at once and look at him when he opens the door. Instead of freaking out and running away like he wants to Jensen takes a breath and walks in “Hi” he says trying on his most harmless smile “Is this the Gay Straight Alliance?”

“Sure is !” chirps a pretty blonde girl sitting cross-legged on a sturdy wooden table. “ Come on in!” she says waving him forward and hopping down off her perch. “ I'm Carrie.” she says walking forward.

A really good-looking guy with jet black hair and a lot of eye-liner lifts one perfectly plucked eyebrow “ So which are you?” he asks blatantly checking Jensen out.

“Sorry?” Jensen asks, looking at this hot guy wearing make-up and hopes he doesn't sound like an idiot. Jensen's kind of stumbling over the fact that the guy seems to have glitter in his hair.

“Which are you” the black haired boy repeats “Gay or Straight?” he asks with a bit of a leer.

“ADAM!” a chorus of people shriek.

“What?!” the boy demands, clearly annoyed at their outburst.

“ You can't ask people that here!” Carrie says clear disapproval written on her face.

“Why the fuck not? “ The boy - Adam – demands looking around “ It's a perfectly valid question!”

“It's also not up to you to ask.” Says a slim blonde boy “Jesus Christ we spent all last meeting talking about ways to make newcomers feel at home.” The blonde guy turns to Jensen and says “ He's just trying to find out if it's safe to hit on you” the boy says throwing Adam a nasty look “ I'm Jason” he says sweetly looking back at Jensen.

“ Jensen “ he says trying to address the whole room “ I don't know how safe it is to hit on me. I don't really give a shit” Jensen says and directs a smile at Adam “but my boyfriend is huge and I'm think he might kick your ass.”

“OH ho!” says a pretty brunette snuggled on an over stuffed chair with another girl “Who's your boyfriend?” she asks eyes alight.

“ I know this one !” says a boy Jensen recognizes from AP Chem, Brandon, Jensen remembers “ You're the guy who snagged JARED!” he laughs and turns to Adam “ Better keep it in your pants princess. He could rip your head off with one arm! “ Jensen would be a little disturbed by Brandon's delight at the prospect if the boy wasn't laughing so hard.

“ OK then!” says Carrie as she claps her hands once, trying to get control of the room “ It's clearly established no one should be hitting on uh... Jensen . So let's move on! We have shit to do.” Carrie turns to Jensen with a smile. “Get comfy . Sit were you like. And Welcome.” she says sincerely.

Carrie walks to the front of the room and cuffs Adam lightly on the back of the head on the way by “ See Jack-ass! That's how it's done!”

“ Watch the hair!” Adam bitches but he's laughing.

Jensen settles in were he can see the whole room and prepares to absorb as much as he can.

 

The meeting lasts almost three hours. By the time it's over Jensen has learned a lot.

-The GSA is meant to be a safe place for people to talk, as well as a tool for change.

-They are working to raise awareness, conducting a school climate survey about LGBT issues.

-They're kicking around ideas for fund raising for a button campaign .

-The fliers they've been papering the school with suck and need a revamp.

-They need someone to write for the newly created column on LGBT/GSA issues in the school paper.

 

Jensen isn't sure if he volunteered or was railroaded but suddenly he's splitting writing duty for the paper with an androgynous being named Lee (Leah?) who has a super sharp mind, a wicked sense of humor and bright fuchsia razor cut hair.

It occurs to Jensen after the meeting , when he's in his jeep heading over to 'The BookStore', he found that place he's been looking for.

 

                                                                                                       *

 

The more Jensen knows about Jared the more he genuinely likes him.

It was one thing to be totally attracted to the guy but it's getting crazy how much Jensen likes him .Not only is Jared like the smartest person Jensen knows he is also about the kindest. If they hadn't been fooling around Jensen would totally want to be friends with the guy. It is just the best kind of bonus that Jared is also his boyfriend.

So it should not really have been that big a surprise to find out what Jared does during his free period on Thursday's. It should not really have been a surprise just how amazing he turns out to be.

“So I was thinking” Jensen says as he is chucking his crap into his locker “ That we should go for lunch”

“Jen” Jared laughs from where he is leaning against a nearby locker “We have lunch together everyday”

It' true. Since they started dating it's been pretty much every free moment together.

“Well “Jensen says tugging Jared's arm a little to pull him out of the flow of students moving to the cafeteria “ I was uh... I meant... more like a date. Like a lunch date. Just us.” he says hopefully. It still seems a little weird to ask Jared shit like this. It's all new territory for him and Jensen always has the vague sense he's doing it wrong. He feels like that again when he looks to Jared for an answer of some kind and sees a definite hesitation in Jared's expression.

“ Well we've only got 45 minutes and that's not much time.” Jared tells him

“ I know “ Jensen says “ But you've got free period next and I'm doing excellent in chem so I have enough wiggle room there to skip one class.” He's still standing in the same place waiting for Jared to say yes.

But from the look on Jared's face Jensen guesses that's not going to happen. He looks … cornered. He doesn't say anything and then looks at his shoes. Jensen knows Jared is hiding something.

So instead of risking getting rejected or worse Jensen back-pedals as fast as he can. “ You know what? It's uh... let's just … forget it. Forget I said anything we'll... um . Another day OK? Lets' just grab something at the cafeteria. “ He stumbles over his words trying to find his footing and finally he comes up with something safer and completely false “What's on in the cafeteria today anyway? I'm starved!” he lies and turns in the same direction as the rest of the student body.

He doesn't really look at Jared. He can't really risk what he might see on his boyfriends face. Jared is hiding something and just the fact that he doesn't want to say, what ever it is, scares Jensen. He doesn't think he could take suddenly finding out Jared is just one more person who will keep him at a distance. Instead of seeing that, Jensen wants to just leave, run away.

He gets less than two steps.

“ Jen wait!” Jared says and grabs his arm gently. “ Wait OK”

“It's OK Jared.” he says his tone telling the lie in his words. He looks only at the floor. Not wanting Jared to see how he feels. That he's scared.

“Good . I'm glad it's OK “ Jared tells him softly “ Now let me explain”

Jensen shakes his head emphatically. Not wanting to hear it. He still so sure it will be hard to hear or painful or just plain bad. Jared has a secret and in Jensen's experience secrets are never good.

“ Jen” Jared says stepping close and speaking softly “ It's nothing bad.” he slips a hand gently onto the back of Jensen neck trying to comfort. “ I promise. I just don't want to talk here “ And with that Jared takes his hand and pulls him into the nearest classroom, which is luckily completely empty.

When the door is closed behind them Jared pulls him closer “I have somewhere to go every Thursday.” he says still holding onto Jensen's hand. “It's why I set up a free period instead of taking a full seven.” Whatever it is , Jared doesn't look guilty really, just unsure. “ I do this thing on Thursdays. In the library?” He stops and Jensen just nods encouraging him to go on. Jared huffs, and looks away. Jensen figures it out then Jared only snorts like that when he feels foolish. “ I read. At the library . With elementary kids.”

It is absolutely not what he expected to hear. Jensen feels a sappy grin start on his face. This might be the sweetest thing he's learned about Jared. He pictures his gigantic soft-hearted boyfriend sitting with a small child reading.... God! That's just.....!

“Oh My God Jared!” Jensen tells him “That's adorable!” he's maybe teasing a little to lighten the moment , but it is. “ How long have you been doing this?”

Jared looks really uncomfortable for a second before he replies “ Just the last few weeks. They have a volunteer program. I tutor elementary kids that are struggling with reading.” Jared looks nervous again “ Jen you cant tell anyone!”

“ Why not “ Jensen wants to know, completely baffled why this should be a secret.

“ I just..” Jared pauses “I'm not doing this to like get credit for it or anything. These kids need real help. And I..... I need to know if I have any hope of being a decent teacher.”

“ You want to be a teacher?” Jensen asks. “ I didn't know that”

“ Well I haven't really talked about it much” he looks away and Jensen wonders what he is thinking. For a guy that is so open and honest Jared is pretty good at keeping the really important shit to himself. “ My parents aren't really on-board with the idea . They think I should study Law or Engineering.” he looks back and Jensen sees a hopeful look in his eye, as if Jensen's opinion has weight for him.

“Well” Jensen tells him “ You're plenty of smart enough to do any of that”

“I know” Jared says “ My parents raised smart kids . My brother is in med school. My sister is gonna end up being a lawyer or some shit. But that's not what I want.” he pauses as if to think for a second. “I wasn't before, but after a few weeks at the library, I'm sure.” Jared looks right into Jensen eyes “ I want to be a teacher” Jensen suspects that might the first time Jared's said it out loud.

“Well I think that's great Jay. I just have one question . “ he says “Can I come watch? I want to see what you're doing.” Jared pretty melts at that and Jensen pats himself on the back for being an awesome supportive boyfriend.

Jensen drives Jared to the library after they hit McRatties drive thru for lunch.

While Jared sits with a boy of about ten, Jensen browses the nearest fiction section. He's blatantly eves dropping. The boy is too busy with what they are doing to notice but at one point Jared catches his eye for a second and gives Jensen a shy smile .

Jared is patient and kind and encouraging and helps the boy (whose name turns out to be Angel) work through the book he chose. When they are done Jared and he talk about what they read and discuss any new or difficult words. Jared helps Angel choose a book to read during the week, guiding him and instructing him still, helping him understand better how to use the library. The book they choose is longer and a bit harder and Jared promises they will talk about it when they see each other next week.

All the way back to school Jensen listens to this amazing guy talk about how wonderful it was. By the time Jared is done Jensen is completely convinced. Yes he is maybe a little biased and completely smitten , but Jared.... is going to be a great teacher.

 

                                                                                                                    *

 

Jared may have been trying Chad's patience a little the last few days.

“ Oh My God,Padalecki! If you try to make me go shopping with you and listen to how amazing-fantastic-incredible your boyfriend is again, I am going to kill you!” Chad bitches. “ Here, take my girl friend.” He says gently pushing Sophia on him “You're both chicks so it'll work great. Call me when you get your estrogen levels back under control! ” Chad says and storms off leaving them in the middle of the mall.

Jared gives Sophia a sheepish look and says “ I guess I'm kinda driving him nuts”

“ That's OK” Sophia chirps “ I drive him nuts all the time ! He loves it!” She grabs his arm and pulls him along. Jared guesses she'll be a lot more help than Chad in his quest for a perfect Christmas present. “So who are we shopping for today” Sophia asks.

“ Jensen” Jared explains “I need something really special” Jensen is miles from his parents and Jared wants to make the holiday as good as he can.

“Well then... tell me about him!” she says. Jared and Sophia haven't hung out much so she isn't as sick of hearing about how great Jensen is.

Jared tells her about how much Jensen reads and the fact that he idolizes Hemingway. He talks about how gorgeous Jensen looks bent over his endless series of notebooks writing. He tells her about the boy he loves and the fact that Jensen cannot resist really nice pens. Jensen has a drawer full in his room all chosen because of how they “feel”.

They hike from store to store. No bookstores because Jared and Jensen both despise chains and Jensen really loves shopping for books himself. They hit almost every other kind of place though. It takes them a couple hours , and it's a blast!

By the time they are done Jared and Sophia have covered most of the mall and he has exactly what he wanted. The things they chose are perfect for Jensen and Jared kind of really wants to see his smile when he opens them.

It's the most fun Jared has ever had shopping. Sofia’s fun and smart and loves to tease. She's also crazy about Chad. Jared is kind of embarrassed to admit to himself this surprises him.

Not too many people can see past Chad's obnoxious bull-shit enough to see what a great guy he is. He just has poor impulse control. And he needs to work on his decision making skills. And maybe learn to filter 90% of what he says, before he says it.

Although the decision to grow a pair and ask Sophia out on a date was a pretty good one in Jared's opinion. When Chad comes to get them at the end of the day Jared tells him just that.

“Jay-man” Chad says with complete sincerity “ I know that. This is one kick-ass chick!” he pulls her in for a kiss. “ Thanks for helping him out,Babe. It would suck if I had to shop for a new best friend over the holidays because he drove me so nuts I killed him”

“Yeah well I hope you've been taking notes. He's got this awesome boyfriend shit locked up”

she says. Chad looks kind of panicked.

Jared wouldn't be surprised if he and Chad are back here shopping for Sophia tomorrow.

 

                                                                                                           *

 

Jensen used to love Christmas. When he was little of course it was all about the presents, but as he got older it became more about seeing his Grampa and aunts and uncles and cousins. The only time Jensen had a big family was when they all gathered for the holiday. He and Dani did everything together including sleep in the same bed.

It never occurred to Jensen that there was any other way people could spend Christmas.

 

The Christmas before Jensen turned fourteen they gathered at his grampa's 'cabin ' in Colorado, just like always. It wasn't really a cabin even though it was made of logs. A place that had sleeping for 25 people in no way qualified as a cabin, but that’s what they had always called it.

Jensen remembered that Christmas best because it was the last one. And in some ways it was horrible. His parents fought the whole time. His mother bitched incessantly and his father drank too much scotch every night.

Christmas morning was OK because there were presents and cousins and wrapping paper everywhere. Him and Dani burped jingle bells for everyone and Grampa laughed until he had tears in his eyes. His parents seemed to have agreed to just stay away from each other and though it made Jensen sad it also made the day a whole lot more peaceful. They sat at opposite ends of the table for the family feast and Dad didn't get drunk.

Jensen and his parents left the next day before everyone else was really awake. Grampa asked Jensen to come to his place for spring break and Jensen couldn't wait . He loved his grandfather a great deal and any time away from his parents arguing was a win.

The drive home was tense and cold and for the first time Jensen understood that his parents might not survive whatever was wrong.

 

His Grampa died of a heart attack the week before Jensen was due to come visit. So instead of being at the cabin, just the two of them, splitting wood and having burping contests and sleeping on the couch with Grampa's dog Arliss, Jensen went to a funeral. After the funeral they all went to the old mans house . Nobody bitched about the drive like they always did before, when he was alive. Now they sat quietly and ate cake. It was the last time they were all together.

When Jensen and his parents got home Jensen's father went upstairs without a word, packed a bag and left without saying good-bye. It was they last time they were all together too.

 

 

The Christmas before he turned fifteen Jensen and his Mama went to her sisters place in Destin, Florida. The house was on the beach and Mama and his aunty Carol bitched constantly about him tracking in sand. They talked about what an asshole Jensen's father was as if Jensen didn't care, even though he did. They went to a horrible restaurant on the beach for Christmas dinner. When Jensen said it felt weird his Mama looked like she was ready to cry. His aunty said if he didn't like he could go home and eat cold pizza by himself. They stayed for hours and the ladies drank too much.

When they got back to the beach house he got yelled at for tracking in sand again. There was message on the answering machine for Jensen from his father that Mama erased before Jensen got to listen to it.

They were there for another week and Jensen only ever went inside to change clothes or to grab something to eat. He even slept on the beach. He was pretty sure neither one of them noticed. New years eve his Mama went to a club with her sister and Jensen got drunk on the beach. He got his very first blow job from a beautiful blonde boy a year or two older who never told Jensen his name. He woke up in the morning in a deck chair with the sun killing his eyes, his first hang-over and dried come in his shorts.

 

The Christmas before Jensen turned sixteen Jensen's father got married again. Jensen got an invitation in the mail 3 days before the wedding. Jensen hadn't even known his father had a girl-friend.

He'd seen him five times since his grampa's funeral. Every single time his mother had picked a fight and his parents had ended up screaming obscenities at each other in the driveway before his father left without saying good-bye.

Jensen didn't go to the wedding. He might have if he'd had a choice, maybe. But his mothers response when she'd seen the invitation in his hand was “ NO FUCKING WAY!”

So while Jensen's father got married and Jensen friends had dinner with their families Jensen ate a hungry man turkey dinner and watched crappy Christmas shows and listened to his mother get hammered in the other room while she bitched to her sister over the phone.

 

The Christmas before Jensen turned seventeen Jensen's mother said they would be spending the day with her brand spanking new boyfriends family.

Jensen looked at her like she had lost her mind said “Nope” and went to his room. He came out at about six to make a bologna sandwich.

 

 

It's the Christmas before he turns eighteen and Jensen doesn't look forward to Christmas much anymore.

He knows Aunt Sam will try really hard and it will be OK. But nothing is the same. His Mama is married and on a cruise, his father has a new baby and Grampa's cabin is closed up tight.

Texas isn't home any more. There are no snow covered mountains outside and although the house smells as good as any feast they ever had at Grampa's it is never going to be the same again. It pisses Jensen off that he isn't over it.

They decorate the tree just the three of them, Sam, Dani and Jensen. It's beautiful in the very best way. This is not a department store tree. There is an ornament for every year of Dani's life given by her mother on Christmas eve starting the year she was born.

Aunt Sam gives Jensen a small box filled with ornaments her father, his Grampa, collected. “These are yours now kid. You start your own Christmas thing.” She gives a firm nod like it's an order and not just advice.

They cook a lot and eat a lot, and watch crappy Christmas TV together and laugh and pull the last of the cheap Christmas crackers Sam bought. Dani almost kills herself laughing when Jensen gets a sewing kit and a pink paper hat in his. And somewhere in all that Jensen finds himself … happy. This is the best Christmas he's had in 5 years. He looks at these two women who love him and gave him a home and never once made him feel like he was too much work to love. Jensen feels like it'll be OK. He's glad Christmas is not going to suck forever. He's got them.

The only thing he doesn't have Christmas morning is Jared. They had agreed to wait until after Christmas to exchange gifts so they could do it together. Jared is at his grandparents place an hour away and his family won't be back until late . Jensen will see him tomorrow and that’s what makes it OK . They'll have the whole day.

Jensen gets great presents from his two women, he even loves the hot pink slipper socks Dani got him because they are stupidly soft and keep his feet warm and happy.

His mother sends him a Gift Card for Barnes and Noble. His step-father sends him an illustrated history of the second world war.

His Dad's new wife sends him a digital picture frame filled with pictures of his dad's new family starring his 13 month old sister whom he has yet to meet. Jensen has a moment of resentment, not because his father has moved on, rather because he has moved on without Jensen. The card is signed by both of them and there is some inane crap written inside but Jensen barely glances at it before he chucks the card in with the rest of the paper for recycling. His Dad isn't the only one who can move on.

By the time the evening news is on Jensen is so full of turkey and sweet potatoes and cornbread stuffing and buttered green beans and 3 kinds of pie he figures one more bite and he's gonna rupture something. It was probably time to quit way before he actually stopped eating. He's laying on the sofa , immobilized and wondering if he can get away with sleeping here. He did a lot of the clean-up after dinner, maybe Sam will cut him some slack.

He's just dozing off to this fantasy when he hears a vehicle of some sort pull into the driveway. They aren't expecting any company . Aunt Sam's eyebrows shoot clear up into her hairline when who ever it is revs the shit out of their engine before shutting it off. A heavy car door slams and there's a knock at the front door. Dani-the-kitchen-slacker gets up to answer it without being told.

There is a pause after she opens the door and the Jensen hears “Hey Jennifer get your fat ass off the sofa! It's for you!” For one panicked second he thinks it's one of his parents but he gets a grip quick. No way would even Dani bellow that at him with his Mama or Daddy at the door, even if they did show up. Which he knows will also never happen. He heaves his overfed body up and goes to see who the hell it is.

It is of course the last person he expects to see tonight . The only person he's really missing that could or would come.

“ Jared ! “ Jensen cries, his happiness is instant and obvious. He may have been 45 seconds from a food coma when the doorbell rang but he's wide awake now. He throws his arms around his boyfriend and kisses him. No screwing around being coy.

“What are you doing here?” Jensen says when he finally takes his lips off Jared long enough to talk, or maybe breath.

“ It Christmas Jack-ass” Jared says clearly laughing at him a little “ You didn't really think I would stay gone if I had another choice? “ he pauses concern creeping into his voice “ Did you?”

Jensen hurries to reassure him “ Of course not but I thought you guys weren't coming back till late!”

“My parents are getting back late” Jared grins at him.

“You came back without your parents? How did you get back? Did David  give you a ride? Are your parents pissed that you ditched them?” Jensen is full of questions and kind of babbling, he really didn't expect to see Jared until tomorrow. He's not nervous just instantly wired-up by the fact that Jared is here.

Jared laughs gently and says “ Holy cow Jen, slow down!” he says and kisses him again. “Come on , I want to show you something, take you somewhere for a little while. “ Jared hesitates for a second then tells him shyly “I want to give you your Christmas present. OK? Can we do that?”

“ Yeah “ Jensen says taking a deep breath “ I'll just uh... I'll tell Aunt Sam and uh... I'll …” He stumbles around verbally still flustered by Jared being there because that's what Jared does to him. “Wait right here!” Jensen says earnestly patting his chest and races back into the living room. He grabs Jared's presents and tells Sam about the change of plans. He's a little worried but she just laughs at him and waves him off. He smiles gratefully and rushes out of the room again. “Curfew!” she calls as he leaves.

Jensen grabs his keys and his coat and follows Jared out the door “ So where are we going?” he asks looking down as he walks, trying to push his feet the rest of the way into shoes he was in to much of a hurry to put on properly. Who gives a shit ; he's allowed to be in a hurry when it's his boyfriend.

“ I thought I'd buy you a coffee and we could park somewhere” Jensen looks up at Jared's odd expectant tone “ In my new truck!” He looks up then and sees Jared standing beside a brand new silver Ford pick-up with a huge grin on his face.

Jensen goes blank for a second before he exclaims “ Your parents bought you a TRUCK?” he asks Jared, stunned.

“Nope!” Jared laughs and Jensen guesses they both know how likely that is. But still, there is a truck “My grandparents did!” Jared says sounding stunned “ My Dad was so pissed! But what's he gonna do tell his Father no?” Jared laughs again swinging the keys in a circle around his index finger “ Let's go for a ride!” he says gleefully and drags Jensen toward the truck. Jensen is more than happy to go.

 

While they are at the drive-thru getting a coffee Jared shows him the heavily accessorized interior. There are a ton of buttons. Awesome stereo with an iPod jack and satellite radio. Rear camera, GPS and outside temperature gauge. Air conditioning and a heater. Heated leather seats and rubber floor mats, power mirrors. The bench seat that Jensen can't help notice is plenty long enough for someone to stretch out on it. Or two someones. And then there's the backseat. He keeps the thought to himself, for now.

Jared buys them each a super huge coffee and a couple of hot apple pies and heads north following residential streets Jensen does not recognize. They don't drive long before pavement and houses give way to gravel and trees and scrub. When the truck stops the coffees are still a little too hot and they are over-looking what Jensen guesses must be the American River.

Jared reaches over and pulls a shopping bag out of the glove box and he's got this weird look on his face anticipation, low-grade anxiety and hope. He rustles around in the bag for a couple of seconds and pulls out of those pine tree air fresheners and hangs it on the mirror, followed by a six foot long piece of gold and green tinsel garland and a bag of miniature candy canes. The garland goes across the dash and the candy canes on the console the radio gets tuned to Christmas music. Finally Jared looks at Jensen to see his reaction. “Merry Christmas Jen” he says and leans in for a kiss.

Jensen kisses him back raising his hand to stroke Jared's cheek. “Thank-you” he whispers and pulls Jared in for a fierce hug kissing him again until the burning behind Jensen's eyes stops. They are both breathless when they pull away.

“Time for presents”Jensen says and hands Jared his gifts hoping he got it right. He actually put a lot of thought into them. He just wants to make Jared happy. He's pretty sure there is no way he'll ever make Jared as happy as Jared makes him. Doesn't mean he wont try though.

Jensen predictably gives Jared enough sour gummies to kill a horse. He gives him a key chain with a Pontiac GTO on it, meant to be Jared's “first car” Jensen doesn't mind at all that Jared’s grandparents one-upped him. He watches Jared eyes go soft when he put his truck key on the chain.

Jensen also gives his boy three really good “teacher” books The first two , The Courage to Teach by Parker J Palmer and Teach Like Your Hairs On Fire by Rafe Esquith, are brand-new and were recommended by Jensen's English teacher back in Texas, Mrs Halpern. He phoned her specifically to ask what would be appropriate for someone who wanted to teach. It was enough for him that she recommended them both highly. Mrs Halpern is an amazing teacher and Jensen trusts her completely. The third, To Sir With Love by E R Braithwaite, is a story Jensen has always loved. He found a used copy that was full of margin notes knowing Jared would appreciate the insights. Jared is beaming at him by the time he is done opening gifts and Jensen knows he got it right.

When it's his turn Jensen can admit he's really curious. Jared hands him two carefully wrapped packages . The paper and the ribbon don't exactly match and Jensen is pretty sure it means Jared wrapped them himself. He tries really hard not to let such a small thing get to him, he manages. Mostly.

The first one is movies which ...fine but then he sees it's a 3 DVD set of biographies about Hemingway. The grin on his face is completely genuine. Jared knows what Hemingway means to him.

The last is oddly shaped and must have been a bitch to wrap. Jensen opens it and stops dead . Inside is a beautiful leather bound journal, the rich brown cover embossed with his initials. On top of it is a gorgeous pen. The wooden barrel the same rich brown as the leather of the journal and engraved to match. Jensen reverently picks the pen up and opens the journal, The paper is thick and the pen is a black ink rollerball. He puts the pen to paper and writes the date and both their names. It's the best pen he's ever used. Jared chose it especially for him and his love of writing and Jensen wonders again how he deserves some one this good. Jensen leans in to kiss Jared “ Thank-you” he says and kisses him again.

They're drinking their coffee and talking when it gets a bit cool in the truck. Jared starts the engine and gives him a wink before he flips a switch on the dash. He's looking expectantly at Jensen grinning and waiting for god knows what, when Jensen realizes his back is getting warmer. And his ass.

Jensen just rolls his eyes and laughs.

“ Pretty cool right? Heated fucking seats!” Jared says grinning a big kid with a new toy. Jensen wonders how long it'll take them to discover all the bells and whistles this thing has. He's got better shit to think about right now though.

Jensen reaches over and takes Jared's mostly empty coffee and puts it beside his own in the drink holder. He tips his seat back then reaches for Jared and pulls him out from behind the wheel. Time to find out how much room there really is in this truck. They're not fucking yet and they're really not fucking in this truck, but Jensen's got a couple of ideas for breaking it in anyway.

 

The Christmas before he turns eighteen Jensen doesn't look forward to Christmas much. But then people who loved him and accepted him stepped in and changed it all. Aunt Sam reminded him of what he'd loved about it as a child. Dani loved him the same as she always had.

The things in the past were in the past. His future was his to make and Jensen knew this amazing hazel-eyed boy was in his future. He never felt luckier and couldn't remember being happier.

Jensen decides then. Next year they're spending Christmas in Colorado. The four of them.

 

                                                                                                                  *

 

The first time Jared kisses Jensen he realizes about half way through that he's pretty much done 'hooking up' with guys he's just met. Getting off and moving on? Not gonna work for him anymore. There's only one person he wants. He suspected it before, kissing Jensen set it in stone. If he's hooking up, it's with Jensen.

Jared has always liked kissing , sure it can be a little messy but it's enjoyable. He knows Jensen has kissed a lot of people, mostly because Jensen flat-out told him, and also because Jensen's really fucking good at it. He can wind Jared up so tight he can't breath properly just by slipping his tongue in Jared’s mouth. When Jensen sucks Jared's bottom lip into his mouth, and bites it, and runs his tongue along the edge, Jared is reduced to the sensations of ice and fire battling in the pit of his stomach. He forgets anyone else he's ever kissed.

Jared knows Jensen has hooked up with a few guys. Dani makes cracks about Jensen “getting around, back home”. Jensen blushes like hell when she says it, and Jared thinks there couldn't have been that many.

They've been kissing and touching each other for a couple of weeks.; Jared hasn't jacked off this much since freshman year of high school when he accidentally saw Andy Frame getting blown by the quarter-back under the bleachers. (It wasn't so much a “big gay epiphany” as an “I love jacking-off” epiphany. The fact he was dreaming about another guy’s mouth did clarify a few things though.)

The first time Jensen unzips Jared’s jeans and gets his hand on Jared’s dick it's pretty obvious it's not the first hand job Jensen's ever given. They are laying on Jensen's bed watching a movie and the house is empty except for them. Just when he thinks Jensen must have fallen asleep with his head on Jared's shoulder he feels the hand on his belly move lower cautiously but deliberately. “Is this OK?” Jensen asks when his hand is on the button of Jared's jeans. “Fuck Yeah!” Jared croaks and he can feel Jensen's smile against his skin.

There is no nervousness or hesitation in Jensen's grip. There is no fumbling despite the obvious urgency. Two strokes in he's got a rhythm that's better than anything Jared's ever felt. Alternating between pulling Jared’s cock in long rough strokes and rolling a thumb over the crown three or four times in a row might not seem like a rhythm but it really, really is.

Jared has fucked and been fucked but it's never been like this. It’s not just getting off anymore, not just contact and sensation. It’s connection and depth and caring. Turns out getting your heart involved changes it all.

All Jared can think about at this point is getting his hands on Jensen. He wants that smooth skin in his rough grip when he comes, when they both come. The only time there is a pause in that perfect rhythm is when Jared reaches for Jensen's cock, a stutter in that motion followed by “ Fuck Jared! Your hands!” and Jared is gone. There is nothing but the dull roar of blood in his ears, heat across his skin, and the honeyed ache that starts in his balls and blows right through his brain.

OK, so Jensen has some experience. It's not like Jared could reasonably bitch when A) it all happened months before they met B) Jared's got a fair bit of experience himself and C) Jensen is too fucking self-conscious to go into detail.

Not that Jared wants detail. At all.

Jared knows he's got a little more mileage on him than Jensen does and that's fine. The kissing and the hand jobs are awesome. The fact that the word “blow-job” makes Jensen blush so hard he almost spontaneously combusts is pretty adorable, and Jared figures that's the edge of the map in terms of where Jensen's been.

Until Jared's grand-parents buy him a truck for Christmas and Jensen blows him in the front seat Christmas night.

They hang out and exchange presents and Jared laughs at him when Jensen ass overheats. ”Pretty cool right?” Jared says laughing at the startled look on Jensen's face “ Heated fucking seats!”

Jensen just rolls his eyes and draws Jared across the seat, out from behind the steering wheel. The seat is already pushed back as far it will go to accommodate Jared's legs so there is lots of room. Jared doesn't wait for an invitation anymore, and even if he did getting dragged practically into the guys lap seems like an invitation to Jared. He gets right down to kissing him.

No one here is shy about this and sometimes all Jared can think about is pulling that plush lower lip into his mouth and sucking. So he does, and the sounds he pulls out of Jensen, go straight to Jared's dick; it's all he can do not to grind hard against the other boy.

As it is, Jared has Jensen crowded up against the door and he doesn't really know how they got there. He only knows how much Jensen still tastes like coffee, knows the way Jensen arches up into his touch when Jared runs his hands up under Jensen's tee-shirt. Jared really only knows he is hungry for more. More sounds, more taste, more feeling.

And then suddenly there is whole lot less of everything. Jensen is pushing him off and sliding off the seat and Jared can't figure out what's going on or what he did wrong—until Jensen crouches on the floor, pushing Jared against the seat. Jared has barely enough time to process the change in position, before Jensen is pulling Jared's zipper down on his jeans and licking his lips.

He looks up at Jared, as he reaches to pull the boxers away from his dick. “Is this OK?” Jensen asks, waiting, heat and want flaring in his eyes.

“Fuck Yeah Jen, do it!”

Jensen blows across the overheated skin on Jared’s belly. The hot breath on the head of Jared’s cock barely touches the sudden cold of being exposed. Jared can feel anticipation burning it’s way through him. The muscles in his thighs are vibrating from the effort of keeping still, waiting for Jensen to move. The sight of Jensen's wet mouth closing around the head of his cock is almost too much but it’s nothing compared to the sensation. Heat engulfs Jared, Jensen is sucking him in and Jared is drowning it, the relief and the heat and the force of being pulled in all at once. Jared closes his eyes and slams his head back against the seat trying to gain some control. He rolls his hips, struggling not to thrust upward, and throws his head back again. It's all he can do though, just close his eyes and keep his hips still and breath.

Jared wants so badly to just let go, but if he does he'll come immediately. He holds himself back and god Jensen's mouth is so hot. The ache in Jared’s balls is already killing him . But it's worth it, the way Jensen slides his lips all the way down, going slow but deep. All the way until Jared can feel hot breath on the base of his cock.

Jensen pulls up as slowly as he went down his hands stays at the base of Jared’s cock holding him steady and Jared can feel the cool air and it drives the ache deeper. There is no suction on that upward stroke only soft heat and those plush red lips. At the top of each stroke Jensen wraps his tongue around the head. It sends a shock-wave through Jared’s groin right to the base of his spine. Jensen does it again and again and again until Jared is beyond thought except how good, and hot, wet it is. He can feel something building low in his belly, and Jared wants to come as much as he wants this to go on forever.

He groans deep in his chest and clutches at the seat but there is no purchase. Jared reaches for Jensen instead, tangling his fingers gently in his hair, making no move to push, only stroking and then it's Jensen groaning deep as if that simple touch is too much. Jared opens his eyes at the sound, looking down to see Jensen’s lips stretched around him stilled while the other boys hand reaches for the front of his own jeans.

In only a moment Jensen’s got his dick out, and he's sucking Jared down again, only now there is nothing slow or gentle about it. It hard and fast tight as Jensen hollows his cheeks and sucks. Jared can see the other boy’s hand moving in time between his own legs.

Jared thinks about Jensen's cock when he's ready to come how the skin tightens and he gets harder an instant before and the thought is enough to finish Jared’s control. “Jen! Fuck! I'm-” it's all he can get out. He taps the other boy’s neck in warning and Jensen just takes him deeper, wrapping his other hand around Jared's hip, pulling him in, keeping him there.

Jared comes, every muscle in his body going tight as he pushes up, unable to stop himself, he’s only nerve endings and sensation.

As soon as Jared can formulate a single thought, he realizes Jensen is still crouched between his legs, his forehead pressed against Jared’s thigh. Jared's can feel his rhythmic movement and hear his harsh panting. Jensen is still furiously stroking himself; he hasn't come yet.

Jared pulls the strung out desperate boy up onto his chest and wraps his big hand around Jensen’s cock. Three pulls and Jensen pushes his face into Jared’s neck, moans raw and fucked-out, comes all over them both, and collapses on Jared.

After a couple of minutes Jared maneuvers them both so they are laying , more or less, across the front seat. There is only so much room on the front seat of any truck and they totally end up cuddling. Jared is OK with that. He is certain enough in his masculinity to admit wanting to be as close to Jensen as he can get. Especially when Jensen is warm and pliant and smells so fucking good.

 

They make it back to Jensen's with enough time for Jared to make his curfew, after a leisurely kiss.

 

Jared is done hooking up. This.... this isn't hooking up. This is real. He feels it all the way down to the soles of his feet and he wants to keep it. Forever. It's probably too soon to tell Jensen that but keeping it too himself for now doesn't change how it feels.

 

                                                                                                                     *

 

 _The weekend Jared turns sixteen, he figures a lot of shit out all at once. Later he's thankful, but when it's all happening... thankful is not the word he'd use. There's a lot of things you could call his sixteenth birthday...sweet? Not so much._

 _His birthday’s on a Saturday. On Friday there is a dinner with the family at an “adult” restaurant; like they’ve ever eaten at a kid-friendly place; like Margaret Padalecki would be caught dead in a Denny's. His parents have plans later and that's fine, because so does Jared._

 _They eat their meal and Jared wishes just once he could order a burger instead of shit like asparagus, and sole, which he hates. Thank god the portions are designed to leave a super model wanting. Plenty of room for burgers later._

 _His father gives him the same speech he gave Jared's brother David about being sixteen. Jared is sure it is word for word the same one right down to his Dad handing over a bank-book and explaining instead of gifts they had made a deposit into Jared's “college” account. Any further money he wanted for extras at college were hence forth his responsibility and it was time for Jared to buckle down._

 _Instead of pointing out his 3.90 GPA and the 20 hours a week he worked is buckling down, Jared just says thank-you and eats the stupid asparagus. He wishes David could’ve come, at least that way he would have someone to talk to while Ashley texts her friends under the table and her parents discuss their upcoming weekend away._

 _By 9 o’clock Ashley is at her friend Emily's for the night._

 _Jared's parents are on the way to where ever the hell they are going._

 _Jared is at Chad's dropping off the duffel he packed for the weekend so they can head over to his party which is at Chris's. That is definitely the coolest part of his birthday and had earned Chad status as best friend ever because Jared knows Chris doesn't throw parties for just anyone. Chad must have offered to wash his truck for a year._

 _Jared loves hanging with Chris. He is Chad's cousin and like 6 years older than them but really cool. He quit college to make music and work in a bar. Jared wishes he was that brave but he's not. His parents would kill him. Dead._

 _Jared has already been to a couple of parties at Chris's with Chad and it's always a blast. Chris is in a band with his best friend Steve, and they have a house together. The place is always full of music, and people, and beer._

 _Chris is also a friend of Mike's. Which is awesome because it means Jared gets to see even more of his boyfriend. He sees him at school but Mike is a senior and Jared is a sophomore, so they don't have any classes together or anything. Add to that fact that his parents are still a little chilly when it came to Jared having a boyfriend, it's OK with them as long as they don't have to see it, and it means they don't get a lot of time together. This weekend Jared is planning to make up for that._

 _By the time they make it to Chris's it's past 10 and the place is loud and over-flowing with people and Jared is stoked to be there. He's pretty sure being his birthday means a lot of beer and if he's lucky some kind of sex. So, yeah, pretty stoked to be here._

 _Jared tries not to be disappointed when he's been there half an hour and Mike still hasn't showed. He hasn't seen him today at all, but it's fine, really. They are not joined at the hip or anything. They can each do their own thing. He just would like to hang out with Mike too. Still, Chad's here and Chris is feeding Jared beer and he's having a great time, really._

 _He's pretty lit when Mike finally puts in an appearance and Jared might be the tiniest bit pissed when his boyfriend finally comes strolling in. Jared is flopped on the sofa a little too buzzed to do much standing around._

 _Mike sits with him, doesn't say happy birthday unlike every other person in the room tonight—in fact he doesn't even say ‘hi.’ Mike just sits there looking at Jared and once in a while smirking like he knows something Jared doesn't. After a few,minutes Mike looks over and tips his head in the direction of the stairs where Chris's guest room is. Jared gets to his feet in record time, considering how drunk he is, and follows his boyfriend up the stairs._

 _The door closes behind them and Jared has barely kissed Mike before the older boy’s hand is on his shoulder pushing Jared down. “Jesus, Mike” Jared half laughs, “ whats your fucking hurry?”_

 _“I'm horny and my dick isn't gonna suck itself.” Mike grunts and Jared isn't really in love with his tone. It's pissing him off along with the fact that Mike is still trying to push him to his knees._

 _Jared takes a step back and the sudden flare of resentment he's feeling sobers him up some. “ Well maybe I don't want to.” he says despite knowing this is probably going to set Mike off. And Jared decides maybe he doesn't really care as much as he could. “ Dude! It's my birthday, maybe I'd like to get my dick sucked.”_

 _Suddenly Mike grabs Jared, flips them around so he is crowding Jared against the door holding tight to the back of Jared's neck,“Not your birthday yet, princess. I ain't sucking your dick even if it is.” Mike says it like the idea is absurd, “Now come on! I waited long enough for this, I ain't waiting anymore!” and he grips Jared's neck hard and tries again to push him down again. It occurs to Jared this is getting ugly and he needs to step back ._

 _He shoves Mike away and moves out of his reach, “ What the Fuck, Man! You can't just shove me around like that! What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jared asks incredulous._

 _“ What's wrong with me ?” Mike demands like Jared is the one with the problem. “ I'm horny and I'm done waiting! Now quit fucking around.” Mike takes a step forward and Jared decides he's had enough of this bullshit. He moves past Mike and yanks the door open. He's about half way through the door when Mike grabs his arm. Hard._

 _“Take your hand off me, Mike “ Jared says loudly, not really caring if people can hear through the now open door._

 _“We're not done!” Mike says and makes as if to shove Jared back into the room._

 _Jared has had enough. He hits Mike in the shoulder, with his free hand, hard enough to loose his grip and make him stumble back. Jared heads for the stairs wanting very badly not to see Mike right now. The nerve of the fucker shoving Jared around , trying to force him into doing anything ,never mind the fact that Jared is actually bigger than him. This is not how you treat people! Especially people you care about._

 _He doesn't see it when Mike's fist flashes out and hits the side of his head. He feels it connect though, barely registers the blow before he is tripping. Suddenly the stairs are right there and he's going down them. Jared feels his shoulder hit the risers hard and then his head strikes the wall._

 _Jared registers the sound of several people yelling and discovers the fact that if you hit your head hard enough you really will see stars. Then he's out._

 _  
_

_When Jared comes to again he's alone, which doesn't really surprise him. What does surprise him is the fact that he is in hospital with a curtain around his bed. 'Emergency' he thinks foggily. It looks exactly the same as did when he was 13 and broke his wrist. Still sucks being here too. He's exhausted, he hurts everywhere, and the smell of the antiseptic they use in hospitals makes him wanna puke even when he's not half way between drunk and hungover. He would also prefer to be spending his birthday almost anywhere else._

 _Jared lays there a while, listening. The sounds of activity on the other side of the curtain should probably be soothing but it's not. He could use a distraction at this point so he doesn't have to think about the fact that he's in the hospital because his boyfriend is a self-absorbed asshole who shoves people around when he doesn't get what he wants. Ex. His ex-boyfriend._

 _Jared feels his eyes start to burn at that and he puts his forearm over his face trying to hide from the feeling and distract himself at the same time. It's not that he thinks for a second about staying around to take any more shit from the guy; it's the fact that this is his first real breakup. He's been pretty invested too. It looks like Mike was only on it for what he could get. That hurts._

 _With his arm draped over his eyes Jared realizes his face hurts too, and he wonders idly what the damage is. He doesn't really have the energy to call a nurse and find out. So he just lays there with his arm over his eyes and waits for something to happen. When Jared feels tears leak out the corners of his eyes and down his cheeks, he keeps his arm where it is and lets them fall._

 _  
_

_It's early morning and Jared has the worst fucking headache. Because he is a minor, and the hospital staff is waiting for a parent to arrive Jared has only been given Advil. It didn't fucking work; his head feels like someone is squeezing it in a vice. This is of course when Jared's father shows up. Jared doesn't need to open his eyes and take look to know how angry Andrew Padalecki is, it's all right there is his words and tone._

 _“I'm very disappointed in you, Jared.”_

 _Not ‘hello.’ Not ‘are you alright.’ Not ‘what happened.’ Right to the point his father loves to make. It shouldn't surprise Jared but it does . And it hurts._

 _Jared has been picking apart what happened the night before and he cannot for the life of him figure out how this is his fault. He is sure his father will lay it out clearly for him._

 _While Jared's father speaks with the doctor on call and signs paper work, Jared finds his t-shirt and pulls it on, blood stains and all. He almost passes out from the pain it causes in his shoulder. His shoes are on the floor under the gurney, thankfully untied. There isn't a hope in hell he can bend over to tie them so he just stuffs his feet into them, letting the laces hang. He figures his Dad is already pissed off, Jared looking like road-kill can't make it much worse._

 _Wrong._

 _Between his Dad's arrival and the car there is just that one hard sentence spoken. The car ride back home is even quieter. His father parks in the driveway, but makes no move to get out. Jared waits. He isn't sure what he has done wrong, and doesn't know how to make it better. So he does nothing._

 _Finally his father speaks “ Go shower, change your clothes” disgust evident in his tone. “ I will speak to you when you are done. Don't make me wait needlessly,” With that his father leaves the car and disappears inside the house._

 _By the time Jared drags himself out of the car and into the house, his father is no where in sight. Jared stumbles up to his room, so damned tired he just wants to sleep for a week. Tough shit for him. Whatever his father has to say will not wait until Jared feels better , he has no doubt. He is also pretty sure he isn't gonna like it much either._

 _15 minutes later he is showered and changed. Jared finds his father in his office and that’s when Jared figures out he's in trouble, like really in trouble. The only time any of them ever go into their Dad's office is if they are in serious shit. Jared swallows and goes in._

 _“Sit.” his father says indicating a hard backed chair right in front of his desk._

 _Jared sits down carefully trying hard not to wince. His entire body hurts. He's exhausted, he's sad bordering on heartbroken. He was pretty sure his dad doesn't give a shit at this point._

 _Jared sits there and he listens to every word his father has to say. It doesn't take the man long to cut Jared deep. He listens to every word._

 _“ Jared.” his father says his voice sounding like the end of something “Your mother and I have tried to be patient with you. We have made our expectations of good conduct very clear to all of you and I honestly thought you understood what we expected of you.” Andrew pauses for a moment running his hands through his hair. A gesture Jared recognizes, he's trying to clarify his thought._

 _“We spoke at some length, your mother and I, trying to decide how to handle this... thing. This “I'm gay” thing you threw at us. We felt if we were patient and kept our expectations clear that this would have a positive outcome. And we honestly thought it was going to be OK. But then this Michael came along and suddenly you were back to acting... that way.” Andrew looks at Jared for moment, gaze hard, and Jared can't tell what the man is thinking but then he goes on and it becomes clear. “ I was honestly willing to let you figure this out on your own, had faith that you would. Until I got a call from the hospital. I find out you have been at a party with some less than stellar people and that you have been fighting. Jared I cannot wait for you to figure this out. So I am just going to lay it on the line for you.”_

 _“Until the beginning of the school year you are grounded . The only place you may go is to work. Either your mother or I will drive so that we can be sure you are were you say you are going to be. Every day you will be completing a set of chores. No friends over, no going out. I am certain the free time you'll have will give you an opportunity to rethink some of your... choices”_

 _He pauses for a moment and Jared just waits for what his father obviously thinks is the worst of it. Jared can't really imagine how this could get much worse._

 _“ You are 16 years old, Jared. This Michael person is 18 and clearly a very bad influence. You are not to see him anymore.” Andrew stops there , done. Waiting._

 _If he had a week to do it, Jared couldn't explain to his Dad all the things he got wrong. Jared sits there not sure what to do. Then it occurs to him his father is waiting for some kind of response._

 _“ So,” Jared says clearing his throat “I'm grounded.” his father nods. “ And I'm not 'allowed' to see Mike anymore” Jared clarifies and his father nods again. Jared nods once himself and says, “ Right” He blows out a breath and turns his head away so his father cannot see the tears forming in his eyes._

 _When he looks his father in the eye a minute later his gaze is clear. “ With all due respect sir. You can lock me in my room until I am 20 and I'll still be gay. I'm sorry that isn't alright with you. But it's how I'm made and I don't know if I'd change it even if I could.” Jared takes a breath and tries to decide how much more he should say. At this point anything he might add is probably only going to make his Dad even angrier. But he can't just sit here and say nothing, letting his Dad think any of this is OK. He decides to compromise, keep his anger and disappointment in check but have his say. “ I'm also sorry you didn't bother to get all the facts before you made a judgment. I was not fighting. Mike shoved me, I tripped and fell down the stairs. I have no plans to ever see him again because of the way he acted. But sir? You can't just order me not to be gay. I just am.”_

 _Jared can see the last part light a fire in his Dad's eyes the second the words leave Jared's mouth.. “ You will be spending the rest of the weekend in your room. You may come out for meals.” His father stands. “I am going back to Sonoma to enjoy the rest of my weekend off with your lovely mother. DO.NOT.LEAVE.THIS.HOUSE. I will set the alarm when I leave and your disarm code will no longer work. If you open any door in this house, I WILL find out. I refuse to allow your atrocious behavior to ruin my weekend,” he looks one last time at Jared, disgust clear in his gaze. “Go to your room,” is the last thing he says before he leaves._

 _  
_

_Jared spends his 16th birthday in his room. His shoulder and the side of his face are both killing him. He takes a Tylenol and tries not to move._

 _There's not much he can gain by brooding about it, but really? Jared has never been as angry at anyone as he is at his parents right now. Mike maybe. He was beyond angry at him too, but it's not exactly news that Mike can be an asshole. But his father! Jared had expected him to be fair. He knew his parents were not happy with him coming out. He thought they'd get over it and see that he was still the same person. Not the case apparently._

 _Instead of driving himself nuts thinking about it, Jared drops Chad a voice-mail letting the guy know he's not dead but he is grounded._

 _Jared goes into his parents’ bathroom and get one of the T3's his mother keeps stashed in the medicine cabinet. The drug store crap he took earlier wasn't helping at all and his Dad hadn't filled the prescription the doctor gave him. Jared tells himself it was an over-sight and not deliberate. He pulls on a pair of pink plaid sleep pants just because he knows his father hates them and crawls into bed hoping to sleep the rest of his birthday away._

 _'Sweet Sixteen my fucking ass' Jared thinks and passes out._

 

                                                                                                          *

 

Jensen doesn't do much on his birthdays. He'll sleep in if it's a weekend. It's just another day as far as he's considered. Sure being eighteen is kind of a big deal. God knows he's been looking forward to running his own life which changed a little when he moved in with Sam and Dani, he doesn't mind their input. It's concern instead of telling him what to do or think so he appreciates it.

Still this whole birthday thing... he doesn't want it to be a big deal. March 1st he's eighteen. Next topic.

Which was how it was going until Jared found out.

When ever Jared asked him when his birthday is Jensen always answered in the spring and left it there. He wasn't trying to hide anything, just downplaying it. It didn't really even occur to him it would be any kind of a thing until Jared cornered him after school a couple of days before.

“So” Jared says his voice trying too hard to be casual “What are you doing on Friday?”

Lying to Jared is never on Jensen's agenda but his initial reaction, after he thinks 'Oh crap' is to try and figure out how to avoid or deflect. “Uh” is the best he's got at first then he adds “Nothing?”

“What?”Jared squawks “ You can't do that! You're gonna be eighteen, man ! That's like a big deal- man your gonna be free! An adult! You have to celebrate!” he says all in a rush, 0-60 in three seconds.

Jensen barely restrains an eye-roll. “ Yeah, I don't really do that though. Seriously. It's not really important.” Jensen tells Jared and he's ready to move on until he sees the look on Jared's face. Disappointment, for one, and what can only be a quickly disguised hurt. Disappointment he gets, the hurt look confuses him though.

“Oh” Jared says and Jensen hates the way Jared just deflates. Jensen knows he missed something or got something wrong. Shit. This being in love thing is kind of a minefield sometimes. He would do almost anything to keep from hurting Jared's feelings but this time he has no clue what he got wrong.

Jared looks away and tells Jensen he's late for class. He's gone before Jensen can get caught up. Jensen spends the better part of an hour trying to figure out what happened. Then it occurs to him Jared might have had some kind of a plan. Jensen told him it wasn't important, and now Jensen is thinking the look on his boyfriends face was because Jared thinks he's not important. Jensen's in AP chem 15 minutes before lunch when he realizes he has to find Jared and explain himself, and potentially apologize. He leaves class 5 minutes early, pretending to have a queasy stomach. He needs to find Jared.

Jensen is waiting at Jared's locker for him and the hesitation in Jared's step when he sees him makes Jensen feel like shit.

He doesn't wait for Jared to say anything just steps in close and tells him in a low voice “ I meant the day wasn't important to me. Not YOU. I think I hurt your feelings and I'm really sorry and Dani says I need to learn to not be such a fucking wet-blanket. Please don't make this one more time I get tell her she was right.” Jensen goes for a little humor but he is sincere. “Tell me the rest of what you were going to say” he asks “Please?” he's not above begging if it makes Jared feel better.

Apparently it does because Jared's lopsided smile says he's relieved. Sadness and disappointment look so out of place on that usually smiling face. He just hopes Jared is right about how much fun it'll be when Jared tells him what he had in mind. Jensen just smiles and says OK. Turns out Jensen will do almost anything to make Jared happy, and keep him that way.

Which is how he finds himself at Chris's place on Friday getting his ass kicked at beer pong, surrounded by everyone he's met since he moved to California. Celebrating being eighteen turns out to be a hell of a lot better than he ever thought it would. He doesn't mind telling Jared he was right.

Jensen doesn't even punch Chad too hard when he laughs and calls him dick whipped.

 

                                                                                                              *

 

Jared loves being right.

He also likes getting laid so he's trying not to be a smug asshole, but he was right. Jensen is having a blast on his birthday, just like he should be. Jared managed to get pretty much everyone Jensen knows to come including his friends from the GSA . Jensen spends a lot of time with them and they are really fun and interesting people for the most part.

Jared calls it a win when Carrie gets a game of drunk-ball going and bullies Jensen and Adam into being on her team. They're mopping the floor with Chad, Mark and Brandon, Jensen's friend from AP Chem.

Jared sits the game out. He's gotta take a leak and Jensen looks like he's doing fine. It takes forever to push his way through the mob without trampling anyone.

On the way back Jared gets distracted by Chris yelling "You fuckers are NOT playing Beer Fucking Roulette in my house! Out! That's what the fucking back-yard is for! Morons!" Jared can't really see who he's herding out the back door but his money is on Mikey and Misha. Jared briefly considers going outside and watching a bunch of drunk guys soak each other with beer … but really? Jensen's inside.

By the time Jared spots his boyfriend again he's moved on from team sports to individual competition. He's playing Battleships with Chad and that's never gonna end well. Chad is reigning champ and has sunk more shot glasses than the rest of the room put together. Jared can see how drunk Jensen is from halfway across the room. Which, yeah that's the whole point of drinking games. Jared was just hoping to spend more time hanging out with and maybe kissing the hell out of Jensen. Instead it's looking like he'll be lucky not to be cleaning up puke by the end of the night.

“ Jared!” Jensen and Chad call out in unison when they see him. They even sound like old drinking buddies now and Jared grins. Jensen is so adorably blitzed there is no way he could be annoyed. The guy is having a great night surrounded by people who like him.

Jared fucking loves being right.

He also loves Jensen. When it gets obvious the guys night is almost over Jared figures it's time to get his shit together and get Jensen home. Dani looks like she's got a while to go before she's done though, she's perched on the arm of the sofa kind of leaning on Chris.. Jared heads over to tell her he's getting Jensen back to their place.

“ No way, man!” Chris says. “ Just drag him up stairs and and crash in the spare. No one's driving and why waste cab fare? You gotta be home or something?” Jared is pretty sure Chris knows his parents aren't around to enforce curfew. Jared wonders if he's thinking of another birthday party here; Jared wishes he hadn't, even if it was only for a moment. This is on all levels so much better.

Dani pipes up then too “ I'll call my Mom and tell her the birthday boy is having a sleep-over.” she says with a half leer “She'll be thrilled !” Dani has her phone out before Jared can say yes or no. “All set” she tells him a minute later.

Jared heads back to find Jensen and groans when he sees they've moved on to 1-2-3 Drink which is pretty much Chad's favorite excuse to pound shot's.

“OK Prince charming” Jared says into Jensen's ear “ Time to call it a night before you turn into a pumpkin”

Jensen turns and blasts and enthusiastic “ Jared!” right into his face before throwing his arms around Jared's neck and all but collapsing onto him.

It takes Chris and Jared 10 minutes to get him up the stairs to the door of the spare bedroom. 2 Tylenol and a glass of water later and Jared's rolling his now seriously hammered boyfriend out of his jeans and into the bed.

Jared has a momentary pang that the first time they sleep together Jen is pretty much passed out. It lasts until Jensen burrows in as close as he can get and says “ Thanks for the _best_ birthday, Jay.” Jensen drops his arm around Jared's middle pulls, him in close and passes out. Jared goes to sleep thinking it pretty much a perfect night just like this.

 

                                                                                                 *

 

Jensen gets that things at home aren't exactly a cake walk for Jared but Jensen doesn't really buy a vowel until he meets Jared's mother. Jensen always wondered why Jared's sister Ashley is such a fucking cow. Margaret Padalecki solves that particular mystery in about 3 seconds.

They are sprawled across the Jared's bed studying. They usually do this at Jensen, but his aunt is having the carpets cleaned today and Jensen's room is off limits, as is the family room. They could have done it in her kitchen or dining room but you can't really do much sprawling at the dining table. So they go to Jared's.

Jensen has been here a few times since they've been dating. He's picked Jared up and dropped him off, and even come over a couple of times. There's never anyone else home if Jensen is staying for a bit. They never talk about any reasons for that.

Jared doesn't talk about his family much. Jensen knows he has an older brother studying medicine, his Dad is a corporate lawyer of some kind and his mother works at a brokerage firm. Jared hasn't said much about his family in terms of their relationship. He's seen both of Jared's parents and only ever encountered them in passing.

Jensen isn't the least bit worried about it. It's not like he's a big secret or anything. Jared is very upfront about how he feels about Jensen, with everyone. He just figures Jared's just trying to buffer Jensen from his sisters obvious hostility. He suspects there might be more to it but he's not pushing. He'll wait and Jared will tell him anything he needs to.

 

When Jared's mother steps into Jared's room and all but shrieks “Jared! What do you think you are doing!” Jensen gets there might be more going on than a hostile sibling.

“ Jesus Christ! Mom!” Jared shouts and jerks away from Jensen like he's been burned. They weren't even doing anything, barely touching and Jensen can't help the stab of hurt. “You scared the shit out of me!” Jared tells his mother and rolls back to lean his head against Jensen blowing out a relieved breath.

“ You watch your language young man!” Mrs. Padalecki says angrily “ And what, exactly, are you doing!”

Jared looks confused and turns to his mother again“ Studying?”

“On the bed?” she scoffs making it clear how much studying she thinks is going one.

Jensen tries really hard to contain a snort when Jared responds “ It's a big bed!” he can see his boy trying hard to lighten the situation. His mother is having none of it.

“ Well I think you will likely get a lot more actual studying done in the family room.” she responds. her tone cold . After watching them not move for several seconds she says “That wasn't a suggestion. If you and your.... friend... want to study you'll do it downstairs.”

“Downstairs were you can keep an eye on us” Jared mutters under his breath as he starts to gather his books. “ I'm really sorry , Jen “ Jared tells him. He clearly thinks his mother is being a bit reactionary but is powerless to stop it.

“It's OK , Jared.” he says “ It's not that big a deal. “ He just wants Jared happy and comfortable again. If this is how he makes it happen it's fine. They are, after all, actually studying. How bad can it be doing it were everyone can see what's going on?

Turns out, bad enough. The two hours spent in Jared's mothers company is not an experience Jensen is looking to repeat anytime soon.

The open floor plan and over stuffed furniture of the family area makes it super comfortable . It also means a direct line of sight from the kitchen and the back deck into the family room. That's fine too, until Jensen realizes how seriously Jared's mother is taking the 'direct line of sight' thing. She never leaves once.

Jared and Jensen have spread their books across the coffee table and are sitting on the floor between the table and the huge sofa. They are sitting close enough to touch but they don't mostly. Proximity is enough most of the time. They are sitting pretty close though. Jared's mother stares pointedly at how close they are one eyebrow arched shifting her gaze back and forth between the two of them. Jared pointedly pretends to be oblivious. Jensen tries to follow his lead. It'd be a lot easier to do if she wasn't so hostile.

When Jared gets them each a coke his mother snipes “Use a coaster! And don't spill anything!” The shocked look on Jared's face tells him this isn't normally an issue. Jared pulls out a couple of coasters and smiles apologetically when he puts one under Jensen's soda can.

When Jared leans into Jensen to share a laugh over something ridiculous he's read his mother clears her throat from the kitchen, staring at them with that eyebrow thing again. Jared just looks clueless and smiles. Jensen can still see the hurt in his eyes; his mother either doesn't see it or doesn't care.

Jared is doing that thing wit his thumb, were he kind of strokes the pulse at Jensen's wrist. Sometimes his winds Jensen up with it, sometimes it's meant unwind him. Today Jensen guesses it's making _Jared_ feel better. It seems to be working until his sister shows up.

Ashley comes into the kitchen calling a greeting to her mother and stops dead when she sees the two boys sitting in the family room together. The look of utter distaste on her face is no less than Jensen has come to expect in the time he's been dating her brother. Jensen has no doubt she thinks they are disgusting. She turns away repelled and whines “ Ew!Mom! Make them stop that!”

At the sound of her daughters complaint Margaret Padalecki's eyes snap toward the boys. It's clear not only does she expect to catch them at something she clearly thinks she has. The way the woman’s eye's zero in on the contact between their hands gives Jensen the momentary urge to yank his hand away guiltily. It doesn't last more than an nano-second. No way in hell is he gonna be the one to make Jared feel like shit, not his job. It seems like his Jared's family has that one covered.

“Jared I think it's time your... friend... went home” she says and Jensen can see Jared's hurt deepen. He opens his mouth to protest but Jensen touches his wrist and shakes head almost imperceptibly, smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring way . “It's OK “ he says low so only Jared can hear. The only thing he can do to make this easier for Jared is gather up his books and go home.

He still hates the defeated look on Jared's face.

“I'll walk you out” Jared says when Jensen has his books stowed in his pack.

“I need you to set the table!” Mrs. Padalecki says sharply, clearly intending him to do that rather than see Jensen to the door.

“Yes ma'am” Jared says and keeps right on going to the front door with Jensen.

Standing on the stoop together with the door closed behind them Jared leans in and puts his forehead against Jensen's. “ I'm sorry” he says and he sounds so unhappy Jensen doesn't know what to do.

“It's OK Jared” Jensen tries to reassure him “ Not your fault. “ Jensen puts his hand on the back of Jared's neck hoping the contact will anchor him a bit. “ Is it like that all the time?” Jensen makes no pretense out here were it's just them. He needs to know.

“ No not really. “ Jared says looking completely embarrassed “ I mean they're not thrilled that I'm gay . But usually it's not too noticeable. That was pretty over the top, I can't believe my mother was so rude!” getting pissed off just thinking about it.

“ Well no damage done” Jensen says with a small smile hoping to play it light. Jared does have to go back in after all. Being pissed off will only make it worse.

Jensen steps in close “ I'll see you at school tomorrow” Jensen says and leans in to kiss him.

Which is of course when the front door in abruptly opened and they both hear “ Jared Padalecki you get in this house this instant!” Jared's mother practically drags him back inside and there isn't much Jared can do except send Jensen the most miserable, embarrassed look he has ever seen this beautiful boys face, and follow her.

Jensen stands on the step a moment looking at the door recently slammed in his face, and gets himself together. There isn't much he can do in this moment.

He'll see Jared at school tomorrow and when he does Jensen is going to make damn sure Jared knows today was not his fault. He has nothing to be embarrassed about and Jensen chooses not to take it to let them wreck what he has with Jared, no matter what Jared's asshole family does.

They are Jared's family so Jensen probably won't use the word asshole.

 

Probably.

 

                                                                                                      *

 

 

Jensen may not know what he wants to do with most of the rest of his life but he is 100% sure it will not include a career in the Military or spending the next year trying avoid getting beat up for being gay, 500 miles from home.

No fucking way is Jensen going to Private school. Military private school.

Military private Boarding School.

Nope.

He wouldn't have known about it if he hadn't been checking that days mail. He absolutely was not looking for a letter from his father. His fathers wife? Maybe.

OK so he was kind of pathetic. It's just that... his Dad's new wife sends pictures. Of his sister. Amy.

He might not want much from either of them but he wants those pictures. She's his sister for fucks sake. What he really wants is to buy her ice cream and and take her to the park and find out how many words she knows. All he's going to get are pictures. Maybe.

Except that Jensen had begun to suspect he wasn't actually getting all of his mail.

He knew his Mama really disliked those fumbling weirdly impersonal letters he got, just from the look on her face when she handed them to him. When he had opened the last one a picture of Amy had accidentally fallen out onto the floor. Mama had grabbed it up before he could even see were it landed. When he held out his hand for the picture Jensen thought for a second she was going to crumple it up and throw it at him,or keep it. Instead she stared at it for a moment and then handed it to him. She looked really... unhappy. And weird. He didn't really know what that look meant.

It took him a couple of days to figure out what he'd seen on his mothers face. It was more than just her usual anger over anything to do with the man she had once been married to. It was jealousy, only Jensen couldn't figure out why she would be jealous of someone or something she didn't want. He remembered it though.

When the last letter was 3 months old Jensen started to watch the mail, just in case. He wanted those pictures and there hadn't been any in a while so he started checking the mail himself.

That's when he found it.

The letter from The Brownwell Military Academy was addressed to his fucking step-dick. Jensen knew he should put that letter back in the stack and mind his own business, but he knew some other things as well.

He knew Evan Master's loved Jensen's Mama but didn't care much for her only child. He knew his mother barely noticed this but she loved Evan right back.

He knew Evan used only one word to reference gay people, it was the same word Jensen's friends at school used and it made his chest ache every time he heard it. Which was a lot.

Jensen knew he frustrated and confused the hell out of his mother and the she “wished everything with him would just be easier” He heard her say to her sister it on the phone again last week, again.

He knew the letter was not from his step-fathers old school. Evan never went to military school, his Alma mater sent out a newsletter twice a year and there was a stack of them in the drawer were they kept all the remotes. It was a private school in a posh Dallas suburb, not a military boarding school two states over.

Jensen knew military school would take care of a lot of shit around here but it would not take care of him. Jensen took the letter to his room , read it through twice and tried not to fucking cry. He had it clutched tightly in his hand when he phoned his aunt from a park bench were no one he knew could eavesdrop.

 

His Aunt Sam doesn't have a lot of questions when he asks if he can come stay for a while. She had some though.

“ How bad is it” was her first one.

“ It's not that bad, right now. “ he stops, trying to decide what to say and how to say it. “ It could get a lot worse soon though” He doesn't feel like he can trust a lot of people in his life but Jensen knows he can trust Sam. He just hadn't wanted to tell her this part over the phone “ He doesn't like me much. He's going to like me a lot less when he finds out I'm gay” Jensen closes his eyes holding breath, praying, it is the first time he's said it out loud.

“So he's an asshole then” Sam says and Jensen wishes she was there in front of him so he could give her a big wet kiss. Or maybe get a hug. “What kind of help do you need getting here?”

 

Darren Ackles phones his son the next day to express how unhappy he was to get a phone call from his big sister telling him what a piss-poor excuse for a father he is. “I don't understand why you suddenly have to go spend the summer in California! Things are finally settled down and you have throw a fucking bomb in the middle of everything and piss everyone off again.”

Jensen doesn't see the pay off it pointing out he was not the one running around pissing people off for he last 3 years, so all his father gets back is silence. “Jesus Christ Jensen! You are a stubborn asshole!” Jensen has no problem proving his fathers point for him. He doesn't have anything much to say except “I'm still going”

“Why now?” he fathers demands “I don't understand what the fuck this even IS!” the fact that his father is now yelling at him pisses Jensen off.

“ They want to send me to fucking military school for being a faggot! I AM NOT GOING! If you try to make me? IM STILL NOT GOING! I'm not asking you for anything! I don't want to come shove my way into your family! I don't need you DO anything! I just want to stay with Aunt Sam until I figure out what to do! You can just stay there in fucking Houston and pretend you don't have a gay son who is a total pain in the ass! But you can't make me stay here!”

“Alright” his Dad's says voice suddenly gone very, very quiet “Whatever you want”

When Jensen hangs up from talking to his father he goes home and directly to his computer. He starts researching the bus ride to California so he won't have to think about the fact that his father has his cell number and only used it once, to give him shit for something.

 

Jensen tells his mother Aunt Sam invited him to come visit for a couple of weeks. The relieved look on her face tells him everything he needed to know. Evan looks a little skeptical. Jensen is pretty sure he and Evan will be talking later when his mother is not around.

His Mama is not there and Jensen is just finished putting the mower back in the garage when his step-father corners him. “What's this sudden trip to California all about?” he demands to know.

Whatever future Jensen sees for himself depends on the outcome of this conversation, and not anything his actual parents had to say. His father made some noise but he just doesn't want his nice tidy new life to get shaken up. His mother just wants shit to be easy and will let her husband make it happen. Evan is the wild-card. If he decides to be a dick about this, really try to make a point, Jensen is either going to a new school or running away.

“ They miss me and I miss them” He says doing his best to be cool.

“Pretty short notice. Anything I need to know here Jensen?” Jensen can't tell if the guy is looking for a fight or looking to avoid one. He takes a chance on which it is.

"Look. Evan" Jensen says trying to sound as reasonable and confident as he can " You're mostly looking not to have to deal with me anymore, right?" Jensen sees his step-father thinking about it a second before he nods. It's an answer without committing anything to words and it gives Jensen the confidence to take the plunge " Well if you just step back and let me leave without any fuss you'll be down one step son and I'll be on my way to California. Once I get there I have no plans to ever come back. You can spend my tuition on a trip to Cancun. " He doesn't care if Evan thinks he won or anything. He cares about getting on the bus to California.

Jensen feels like cheering out-loud when Evan nods and steps back. Instead he goes to room to shower and finishes packing.

His whole world hinges on making it to that bus.

 

Jensen spends two nights on the Greyhound.

There is a three hour lay-over in a in El Paso while he waits to transfer. Jensen tries not to spend the whole three hours wishing he was there to meet his Grampa instead of passing just through. Jensen wonders breifly what his grand-father would have to say about all this. In that moment Jensen misses him so much it hurts, misses his foul mouth and zero bull-shit tolerance. He misses having some one so completely on his side.

Jensen spends half an hour in the LA bus depot waiting to transfer again. He doesn't care though. Los Angeles is not the promised land for him. That's a nine hour bus ride north.

He gets off the bus for the last time at 10:30 in the morning. He doesn't say anything when he sees his aunt Sam just let's her wrap him in a hug .

“Welcome Home baby.” she says and kisses him.

 

                                                                                                                *

 

Jensen doesn't really give a shit about college. He doesn't really even care if he goes. Jared is going and as far as Jensen is concerned that's the important thing. He kept that part mostly between him and Jared.

So Jensen doesn't really care were he goes, one place is as good as another as far as he's concerned.

It turns out as far a pretty much everyone else is concerned this may not be true. He still doesn't give a shit. He is not walking away from his life for anything, least of all something other people wanted for him.

He is never going to be the guy who left people behind because it was too much work to keep them.

 

His guidance counselor almost had kittens right there in his fucking office when Jensen told he didn't really want to go to college.

His father called him to tell him he thought it was a mistake. “If it's the money son I've got it covered. What ever you want to do, anywhere you want to go, anything you need I'll make it happen. College is important and I really think you need to re-consider.”

Jensen let his Dad say everything he needed to, he had moment were he wished his Dad's guilt wasn't so obvious, but his response was still “ Thanks for the money... not your call.” His dad didn't disagree.

His mother had no clue.

Aunt Sam was almost the worst. She didn't tell him what to do but she just looked so damn disappointed when she said “Be a shame to waste a mind as sharp as yours.” Even when she thought he was being an ass she still wouldn't tell him who he should be.

Dani's response was predictably short when his opinion on college came up “Dumb-ass!” she said it with a smile though so it didn't sting much.

Jared though was a whole other thing. His opinion was the only one that could really hurt Jensen. The first time they talked about college also turned out to be their first fight.

It went from “Where are you applying?” to “ Seriously, Jen ? You gonna work at burger King for the rest of your life because you're still pissed at your parents?” in like three minutes. It stopped at “FUCK YOU!” and Jensen leaving in the middle of a date.

 

Jensen spends that night not sleeping, pacing, and kicking himself in the ass for walking away. He hurts everywhere, inside, outside, heart, head everything. Only one thing will make it better.

He's sitting on his bed hunched over, his arms wrapped around his knees when he hears his bedroom door open very carefully. Jensen can't look up, he doesn't want anyone to see his red eyes. He doesn't want Sam or Dani to tell him it'll be OK. He wants Jared, right now , forever.

“Jen?” he hears and god he's hallucinating. It sounds like Jared, but why would he be there when it's still half dark outside and Jensen yelled 'fuck you' at him and ran away like total asshole instead having a conversation.

He looks up when he feels the bed dip were Jared sits beside him. “I'm sorry!” Jensen whispers fiercely “Please. Don't stay mad at me. I'm sorry! I don't want to fight. I love you!” he's babbling and doesn't care. All he cares about is Jared and never feeling like this again.

“No Jen!” Jared says to him just as fiercely and Jensen feels his heart clench and stop beating. Hearing Jared tell him no is as bad as hearing his Grampa died . It's the worst feeling in the world and he can't believe he fucked this up so effortlessly.

“Please! I'm sorry!” Jensen clutches at Jared's shirt and tries to think of the right thing to say.

“Jen, baby! That's not what I meant! It's OK. I'm sorry too! Really sorry!” the relief Jensen feels is it's own kind of over-whelming. It's like be washed away on the tide when Jared wraps those long arms around him and pulls Jensen in tight and tells him “ I'm sorry too! I came here to apologize! ” Jensen pushes his face into Jared's shoulder and holds on, shoulders shaking. “ Don't Jen, please!” Jared says brushing at Jensen's cheeks “I'm sorry too.” he says and Jensen can feel Jared's wet cheek against his temple.

They stay like that until Jensen is ready to pass out. The exhaustion caused by fighting and not sleeping and recovering pulls at them both so Jensen lets go of Jared enough to get them both laying down.

“ I need to sleep” Jensen says already feeling his eyes closing

“Me too” Jared tells him and they laugh a little at how pathetic they are.

They sleep for hours tangled up together and sweaty. When they wake up they shower and then sort out the mess they almost made over a 4pm breakfast at Denny's.

After that they talk when there is a problem instead of freaking out and hurting each other. They don't stare longingly into each eyes drip smarm everywhere when they do it. They just try really fucking hard to say what they have to say without making the other person bleed. It's surprisingly easy and works most of the time.

 

                                                                                                                 *

 

By the first week of April Jared has a stack of e-mails offering admission stashed in a locked folder on his hard drive. He applied to all the schools his parents wanted and to the two he really cared about. He has a plan that would make everything he wanted happen. Now all he had to do was tell his parents, click send and deal with fall-out. He was pretty sure they were not going to be happy with him. Nothing new there.

In the end their reaction was so much worse than he expected.

 

“ABSOLUETLY NOT! Under no circumstances will you be wasting your mind going to State with that boy! To become a TEACHER!” his father bellows. Jack Padalecki is so far up into his son's face Jared can smell his breath and feel flecks of the man's angry spittle drying were it landed on his cheek.

“With all due respect , sir” Jared says to his father squaring his shoulders to make his case. It's as far as he gets though.

“Don't you dare talk to me about respect! I cannot believe you would say that to my face after the choices you have made this year. Your mother I have put a great deal of time and effort into trying to get you on track and keep you there, and what do we have to show for our effort? Your deviant..... relationships, and the choice of a profession so inappropriate I suspect it was motivated more by the desire to retaliate than anything. And STATE COLLEGE? Jesus Christ Jared! What the hell are you thinking! What about MIT or Princeton or Cornell? Did you even try? I thought we had agreed on Engineering! This is unacceptable! What have we ever done to you that is terrible that you would throw your entire future away just spite us?”

Jared knew they were going to be angry, knew his father was going to be angry and he honestly thought he was ready to deal with it. Nothing could have prepared Jared for this level of anger and disgust. He tried again to make his case though. He was sure his Dad would be OK once he understood

“ Look Dad I know this isn't necessarily what you had in mind, but I have put a lot of thought into this!Going to State has a lot more to do with their teaching program than Jensen. I would make a shitty engineer, the math alone is enough to kill me” He can see the instant the words leave his mouth that it is like gas on a hot fire.

“So you are going to throw away your entire life because you are too fucking lazy to do a little math? You are going to go to a second rate college so you can get fucked ? I won't have it!”

“Dad please! I love Jensen but he has nothing to do with what I want to to study!I don't want to be engineer that's what you want!. Being a teacher is not throwing my life away!” Jared tells his father emphatically. “ I'm going to be a great teacher.” he tells him knowing finally that his father does not give a shit about what a good teacher Jared will be.

Jack steps back from his son quickly as if he can't stand to have him near, and maybe he can't if his next words are any indication “ Not on my dime!” he tells Jared and turns away. The disgust Jared sees on his fathers face make Jared nauseous.

He turns too were his mother is standing stiffly staring at him. Before Jared can say even one word his mother says “I cannot believe after everything we have done after all the advantages we have given you this is the life you choose.” Margaret Padalecki turns away from her son then. It is clearly all she has to say. It's also clear she's not just talking about school.

 

It takes them less than an hour to tear him down until he cannot stand to hear one more word. For the first time in his life Jared runs out of his house unsure of weather he will ever want to go back.

He runs to Jensen's. It's dark out side but it's not late. Still, there are no lights on and no one answers his knock.

He gets in his truck and drives .

He calls Jensen's cell and it goes straight to voice-mail.

“ Jen “ he says and his voice cracking. He has to stop to take a breath “Sorry. I'm just – I'm really fucked up right now and I don't know what to do and you're not home-” he presses the back of his hand over his mouth suddenly. He really doesn't want to start crying for fucks sake. Especially on voice-mail in a parking lot a night. “ Just- can you call me when you get this? I really need to- fuck I need you Jensen.” He whispers the last part and flips the phone closed. There probably isn't much he can do to fix this fucking mess but he can't just sit here and wait. Jared turns off the engine and gets out of his truck.

                                                                                                      *

 

Jensen is feeling pretty smug by the time he gets back from shopping for Jared's grad gift with Sam and Dani. It took them all afternoon but he got Jared something he will love and probably use every single day. He feels awesome. They have just over a month until grad with a shit ton of other stuff to do between now and then. Jensen decided to take the afternoon and get it done now rather than risk leaving it until last minute. He got what he wanted and it's perfect and Jared is gonna love it. So yeah Jensen is feeling pretty smug.

Except for the part were he forgot his stupid cell phone.

The first thing Jensen does when he gets back is check missed calls and messages. He sees there are two and dials-up to listen while he's digging in the fridge for an apple. He doesn't need to check who they're from he likes everyone who has number and will actually call him.

“ Jen “ The first one says. It's Jared he sounds ….weird. “ Sorry. I'm just – I'm really fucked up right now and I don't know what to do and you're not home-” there is a gasping sounds that sounds... bad and then “ Just- can you call me when you get this? I really need to- fuck I need you! Jensen.”

The second one is also from Jared. He sounds like he's been crying “ Jen.... please can you come get me? I'm at the track-”

Jensen doesn't know if the messages is short because the call was dropped or Jared hung up or what the fuck ? He's not hanging around long enough to think about it.

Jensen grabs his keys and his phone.

“ Jensen!” Sam calls as he runs back out the front door “ What's going on?”

“ It's Jared! He called me – I have to-” Jensen waves his hand in the direction of his Jeep trying to finish pulling on his boot as he runs to the driveway. “He needs me!”

“ What's wrong? Is he hurt? Jensen tell me what's going on!” Sam loves Jared as much as she loves her own and Jensen can hear concern and a little fear in her voice.

“ I don't know Sam! He left me really weird messages and he's at the track and I have to GO!” He pulls open the door of his jeep so fast it clocks him in the knee. He doesn't even notice. “ I'm going to get him! I'll call you when I know what's going on!” He shouts as he backs out and heads to the school. It's the only track he knows and Jensen really fucking hopes it's the one Jared meant. Jared runs when he needs to think about stuff , He says it clears his head.

Jensen wonders if it is good sign or a bad one that Jared is doing something that could get him into some serious shit if he is caught. Jensen doesn't give two shits for the fact that he is under no circumstances supposed to be there when the school is closed without express permission. Jared is there. Jared needs him end of discussion.

 

The relief Jensen experiences when he pulls up beside Jared's truck in the empty school parking lot is very short lived. He got the right place but he doesn't see Jared anywhere. Just his truck and the empty Oval. Jensen says a quick prayer, just one word. “Please!” It's not the first one since he checked his phone.

Jared turns out to be not very hard to find at all. He's on the other side of his truck sitting on the ground propped up against the tire. He's breathing hard and sweating and his eyes are closed. Jared's face is completely slack and he looks ready to pass out.

“Jared “ Jensen says crouching down. The other boys eyes open and Jensen can see they're sort of glazed over. Jared doesn't look like he is even registering what he's looking at and it's scaring the shit out of Jensen.

Jensen moves in close looking for some sign of injury , some source for his shocked vacant face “ Are you hurt? What happened, Jared?” Jared's eyes skitter over Jensen's but it's obvious he's not really tracking. “ Jared are you hurt? JARED!” Jensen barks finally and thank god it works.

Jared's eyes snap immediately to him “ Jensen “ he says half asking. His voice is raw and cracked.

“ Are you hurt?” Jensen asks urgently.

“What? No – I – fuck !” Jared gasps and puts his hand over his mouth tight as if to hold something in. The gesture scares Jensen almost as much of the blankness of a few seconds ago. What ever is wrong is really fucking bad. He has to do something!

Jensen pulls him close and starts running his hands up and down Jared's arms, across his back, through his hair, everywhere, looking for injury. The actions seem to snap Jared further out of his shock.

“Jen! It's OK I'm not hurt!” he grabs for Jensen's frantically searching hands. The action the contact calms them both a little.

“Well what the fuck is going on? Your message freaked me the fuck out and I find you here practically collapsed ! Jared you're scaring the shit out of me!” Jensen hands cradle Jared face “ What's wrong , baby?” he asks softly and yet so earnestly.

Jared looks at him fully then and his eyes are so sad it breaks Jensen's heart just looking. What he has to say though explains everything. “ I can't go to college!" Jared gasps out clutching at Jensen s arms “ I'm not going to get to be a teacher” he whispers and his face crumples . Jensen can't really do anything but pull him in an hold on tight. He doesn't know what the fuck happened but he is going to stay this close to Jared until he finds out.

Slowly , when he can, Jared tells Jensen everything, from how nervous he was in the first place to how he tried to talk himself out of being nervous all the way through to his fathers overwhelming anger and the awful accusations he made. While Jensen tries very hard to keep his mouth shut and listen Jared cries, great heartrending sobs, and tells him about his parents revoking every nickel of support. They will not give him one thin dime for college because Jared will not do what they want.

Jensen hears how Jared could not stand to hear one more word about how much he disgusted his father and disappointed his mother and that he was throwing his life away to get fucked. Jared tells him about going to Sam's and finding it empty.

Jensen finds out about Jared running until his lungs hurt and dropping by the truck trying to catch his breath.

Jensen holds on to this determined gentle boy, who is almost a man, while Jared shakes and tries to get himself back under control. When Jared can breath again Jensen calls Sam.“I've got him “ he tells her “ No he's not … injured. Can I bring him home with me? Please ?”

When Jared can stand up Jensen loads him into the truck and takes him home. To Sam's.

 

The house is quiet when Jensen parks his boyfriends truck in the driveway so Jensen just locks it up and takes Jared to his room. Jared is completely exhausted and cant even lift his arms to get out of his shirt by the time they actually make it to the bed. Jensen very carefully gets rid of as many of Jared's clothes as he can and gently pushes him to lay down. Jensen climbs in beside him a minute later, after turning the light out and kicking of his own jeans. Jared is already asleep.

He stays wrapped around Jared all night.

In the morning Sam makes them breakfast and asks only two questions : “Are you alright?” and “Do you need to stay here?”

The answer to both is no.

 

                                                                                                                  *

 

Their senior class trip is a weekend in San Francisco. It's a beautiful city and they all love it. Less than half their class came. The rest went somewhere hot, expensive and full of drunk tourists. Of the two choices available to this senior class? Theirs might not be the most over the top excessive but it sure as hell the most fun.

Everyone is thrilled to be here together. They stay at a decent but not lavish hotel and see as many of the sights as you can cram into four days. The weather is incredible and they take full advantage of it.

They do a lot of the touristy stuff but don't get to do any of the really fun shit because they have chaperones and no fake ID's but it's still awesome. For Jensen it's like a pre-cursor for the next four years.

Every time he sees something really great he thinks ' I'm gonna come back here with Jared!' it makes him grin like an idiot. That's OK though because every time Jared sees that big happy smile on Jensen's face he leans in and kisses hm.

 

They tour one section of the city that is full of beautiful old houses converted into modest apartments. 'We could live here second year ' Jensen thinks, this time _he_ kisses _Jared_.

 

They eat until they can't move even though the fact that the crabs are cooked alive makes Jensen want to hurl and ruins crab to him for the rest of his life. They walk everywhere they can as a group with class mates they may never see again after grad. They all laugh too loud at everything.

Adam is walking around completely awestruck . Even for a gay boy who grew up in California there are parts of San Francisco that are over the top. Carrie spends most of the trip laughing at Adam and poking him in the ribs to get him to stop staring.

 

Chad is, surprisingly, the only downer. He spends most of the trip moping . Sophia is leaving for UC Berkley in August and Chad isn't. It's State for him but not by choice. Still. He came on the trip when he just wanted to keep Sophia all to himself for as long as he could. Sophia wanted one last blast with her friends . She is trying pretty hard to cheer Chad up too, she even gets him to laugh a few times.

Jared and Jensen soak in as much as they can and enjoy every last minute. They don't talk about the last few weeks and how hard it has been. They've talked it to death and now they are taking a break and playing.

Jensen can't help thinking about it some though. He thinks about how proud he is of Jared. For standing up to his parents and saying 'this is who I am and I'm sorry you don't accept it but I'm not going to change to make you happy'. He's proud of Jared for going back home even though he actually had little choice and it doesn't feel much like home anymore.

Jared's a minor until July and the Padalecki's made it very clear the consequences of his attempting to leave home before then would be harsh, messy, and extremely punitive. They didn't want much to do with him really. Mostly they didn't want to be a topic of discussion anywhere because their gay son ran away at 17. Jared stayed out of their way, kept his nose clean and waited to be eighteen.

 

Jensen tries to make sure as little of their bullshit as possible followed Jared on their Senior trip. Mostly he succeeds , outside of his own head any way.

They have a great time and they come home exhausted . Jared spends the night and they are very quiet when they fuck because Sam is a good sport about everything but she has her limits. Everybody is smiling when they have breakfast together in the morning.

There is till some shit to figure out, but they have until late August to clean up the mess Jared's parents made. Sam is helping a lot. Jared is finding his way through shit like Stafford Loans and teaching grants in exchange for commitments to “ teach in high-need fields at low-income schools” after graduation. He's applying for a work study program at the on-campus child care facilitiy. Some days Jensen feels like nothing more than Jared's cheerleader through the process. That's OK though if it's what Jared needs to keep going. Jared, Sam and Jensen are getting it done slowly but surely, because they have to. Jensen is going to college because it can't hurt his long term plan and he might just learn something. Jared has to go to college and he will, no matter what his stupid asshole parents say or do. He is going to be a great teacher.

 

 

 

                                                                                              _**Epilogue**_        

 

 

The Summer Jared started high-school every single thing he knew about himself and his place in the world clarified. It was when he realized he was actually gay and not some _other_ kind of freak. He suddenly knew who he was and he liked that fine. He never went back on that feeling once. If other people had a problem with Jared being gay let them, he didn't.

It was a great summer. He spent it screwing around on Chad's dirt bikes. Getting dirty and sleeping late and eating crap. His parents were just as busy as ever and they barely noticed all the time he spent at his best friends house. When Jared told Chad he was gay Chad said “ Cool. Let's make s'mores!” and that was that.

He had a lot of great summers as a teenager but he looked back on that one and in some secret place in his mind he thought “That will be the best one forever.” It almost was.

 

The summer he turned eighteen? Man, that was something else. The first six months of that year were the worst days of his life up to that point. All of his dreams hinged on the out-come of events he had almost no control over. He hardly slept and ate so little he lost 15 lbs he didn't have to spare. There were times when he was so over-whelmed by it all he just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep until he was thirty.

The night he turned eighteen Jensen took him away from all of it “ Pack your shit, you need a vacation and I'm giving you one.”

He asked were they were going and they only answer he got was “You'll see” as Jensen was throwing their clothes in the back on top of the sleeping bags and coolers.

Jared slept the whole way. It was dark when they stopped and he was still exhausted. Jensen steered Jared inside, where ever they were, and dragged him to a bed . “Everything else can wait” he said . So Jared slept some more. He didn't even twitch when Jensen got up to unload their crap. They were tangled together in the morning when they woke up and that was all Jared really cared about.

They stayed four days in a rumpled old cabin that belonged to a friend of Sam's . There was no phone, and no TV. It was cold at that elevation and there was not heating and the road up was shit. But, they drove up in Jensen's jeep because it had four wheel drive.

They grilled steaks on the crumbling brick barbecue. Jensen built a fire in the fireplace so they didn't freeze.

The bed was huge and sturdy and Jared could stretch across it side ways, if he wanted to, and not hang off too much.

While they were laying in that bed, fucked out and blissed out and pretending everything was fine Jared said “I sold my truck.” Jensen just waited fro the rest “To pay for college. If I'm really careful I can do it.”

Jensen said “ If _we're_ careful.” and kissed him until he quit thinking about it.

 

 

 

                                                                                                 Epilogue

 

 

 

  
When he was almost 70 years old   and sitting at the table out on their back deck he told the story to his 16 year old grand-daughter because she asked him to. Jared didn't remember ever telling anyone the story before. The idea that no one would know it all bugged the shit out of him ... so he told her.  
“A lot of that year really fucking sucked. But I wouldn't take it back for anything.” he looked at the old man digging around in their weedy garden and smiled. His daughter yelled at him for using the word fuck in front of her kid. So he told her kid about the first time her mother said the word. He ended up doing the dishes that night. But it was OK because the boy he loved smiled out from an old man's eyes and smooshed a handful of soap-suds right in his face.

**Author's Note:**

> This posted on my LJ for the hs_bingo challenge, in it's original 24 part format.  
> Figured I'd put the parts together here and see if it still worked.


End file.
